What's wrong with your voice?

There's a phenomenon in Korea called "aegyo".  Which can be dscribed as "acting cute".  Actually, I'm not sure if people outside of Korea would call it "acting cute".

Aegyos are performed using extremely whiny voice and prolonging the ends of their sentences.. also, sometimes the speech is gibberish like baby talk and accompanied by physical clinginess.  Both guys and girls do aegyos to try and appear cute so that they can get something they want from somebody of the other sex or somebody older.

Some guys just die seeing some girls do aegyos.  Especially when the girls call them "oppa", which means "big brother".  I'm not a fan of aegyos.  I find it annoying.  It CAN be cute.. if a cute girl does it.  It is NOT cute if a guy does it.. nor is it cute when a girl whose image does not fit "cute" does it.  It makes me cringe when I see a girl who makes those squeaky whiny voices and thinks it's actually cute.

People not familiar with Korean culture or some other Asian cultures will have very little idea what I'm talking about.  I myself haven't really experienced it firsthand until I got here.

I think they oughta restrict people from doing aegyos.  They should only license those who are qualified to do aegyos... cute girls, kids ages 7 and down.

Umm... no.  Don't make me poke your eyes out.

Marriage - Part Two

In this post, I will talk a little bit about marriage gifts before going into marrying "elites" in Korea.

In Korea, marriage is more of a union of families than a union of two people.  There's a lot of process involved in marrying families, it seems.  Korean families make material preparations and exchange marriage "goods" when their children get married.  Many cultures have something similar, I'm sure, but the Korean way is way too complex for me to understand the details.  Simply put, groom's family prepares the home for the couple to live in, the bride's family fills the home with furnishings and the families exchange cash, jewellery, silken goods and other "marriage" items.  Families come to agreements on these items before the couple marries.  I can't imagine the parents sitting down and negotiate on them. 

When I was working in the patent department of our company, I've been told that I should study and take the patent bar to become a patent lawyer... so that I can marry well.  I like the idea of "marrying well" (whatever that means), but I'm not gonna take the wrong career path for me to do so.  "Patent lawyer" in Korean is "byeollisa".  In Korea, some of the top professions end in a single Korean letter pronounced "sa".  Doctor - Euisa.  Lawyer - Byunhosa.  Judge - Pahnsa.  If a girl wants to get married to a "sa", she needs to be hot, for one, and her parents have to fork up a lot money.  Usually, the parents of the girl has to pay for the couple's house, a doctor's office and car for the son and buy loads of shit for the groom's family.  I've heard of marriages become unrealized solely because the guy's parents demanded too much materialistic goods from the girl's family and the girl's parents couldn't afford it or refused.

The way I see it, the parents of the "sa" is SELLING their son, trying to get some return on their investment.  It's sad, in my point-of-view, but some say it makes sense.  It's even sadder than some families willingly pay up that much money and send their daughters off thinking that they've gotten a good deal.

"sa" is definitely in high demand among women but there are also professions for women that men prefers.  Teachers are popular because the profession is directly related to the education of children.  Flight attendants are also very popular, because I think the women have to be physically attractive to start with and the profession demands high quality of service which husbands desire from their wife-to-be's.

Some professions rise to the status of "elites" if they ride the trends to be come popular.  In the recent years, fund managers were in top demand because they became lucrative careers during the economic rise after early 2000s, but I'm sure that that popularity took a massive hit due to the global financial crisis.

Marriage - Part One

Marriage is a major topic that offers the most variation across different cultures... and across generations.

Some marriage cultural aspects in Korea haven't changed much over the years so I will post about them here.  Although I haven't seen many people get married while I was living in Canada, I know enough to realize what is distinctly Korean in Korean marriages.  This post will focus on the topic of people choosing their marriage partners.

Koreans talk about "conditions" or "qualifications" of somebody they plan to marry.  It's not so much the "standards" that I'm used to hearing back in Canada... I call them "qualifications" because that's what they are, to me at least.  In North America, in general, I think one dates another of his/her sexual orientation then determines whether he/she can get married to the person after a long while of getting to know the person.  In Korea, people simply have a set of qualifications they almost adhere to before they even date somebody seriously.  

A woman will have the following set of "conditions" for her marriage-material dude (in order of priority from my perspectives):

1. Job/career - Profession and/or minimum salary is a good metric

2. Education - I've already touched upon on this topic, but the guy's school shouldn't rank too low

3. Parents' current/past career - Read as "Potential need to financially support parents and/or future inheritance"

4. Personality - This is not a simple fact on a profile sheet, but personalities shouldn't clash too much

5. Siblings - Simply put, is the guy the eldest son who has to put up his parents?  Will his sisters play the evil step-sister roles?

6. Physical appearance - Guys should look presentable enough

7. Hometown - Certain regions of Korea suffer from bad reps

A guy will have the following set of "conditions":

1. Physical appearance - #1 priority to aim for that trophy wife

2. Personality - Again, not measurable but men prefers "wife" material (supportive)

3. Education - Notice how big of a role this has?

4. Parents' current/past career - Same reason as above

5. Job/career - Not very important, but some professions are preferred above others.

6. Hometown - Same reason as above

There is definite credibility to the priorities I placed on those conditions above... since the marriage match-makers in Korea uses similar priorities.  I've been told that for men, it's physical hotness; for women, it's money.  Matchmakers apparently use a score-based ranking system and they match people of similar "rankings".  I get -5 points for being the eldest.  Hot girls get matched up with doctors and lawyers.  You know what else is interesting?  Some matchmakers employ "elite" singles to match up with their clients...to just go on single "dates".  Seems like a Disney version of pimping to me.

Parents play major roles when it comes to their children choosing their marriage partners.  Korean parents usually have to approve/disapprove of their in-laws (both the soon-to-be-weds as well as the parents) and parents of both parties have to come to agreement.  There's even a term for the first meeting among the parents:  "sangyeolleh" which, according to the dictionary, means "the formal bows between the bride and the groom".  My mom, for example, has her own set of "conditions" for my wife-to-be.  Unfortunately, I think there are maybe 3 girls in all of Korea that fits her bill... and I haven't met any of them yet... and I'm not holding my breath.

Koreans claim that people have better lives when the marriages are done between a couple that meet each other's "conditions".  Then how come Korea has one of the highest (definitely top 3) divorce rates in the world?

Ce-le-bra-tions now come on!

Another post on a dating topic.... Couples have a lot excuses to celebrate their couple-ness.  

I hated anything and everything that had to do with Valentine's day, especially since I never had a girlfriend whenever it was February 14th.  If you're single and lonely in North America, you would also not like Valentine's day.  You would also hate Korea.

February 14th is Valentine's day where Koreans celebrate the couple's day by having the girls give the guys chocolates.  Why is this a one-way deal?  

Do not fret, ladies!  Because hard candy manufacturers got pissed that they got the short end of the straw against chocolate manufacturers and have decided to invent "White Day"...ok, maybe not true.  However, on March 14th, "White Day" (pronounced hwa-eeh-teuh-dae-eeh), guys give girls candies.

Not one, but TWO dedicated days to celebrate coupledom?  What about the lonely singles??  Soloists!  Unite on April 14th, "Black Day", to eat black noodles ("Chinese" black bean noodles)!

Apparently, there are other unofficial days for each 14th day of the month.. like Diary Day (give new diaries), Rose Day (give roses), Silver Day (give silver goods), Orange Day (drink orange juice).. but these are not very well-known.

While Canadians enter into moments of silence at 11:11am on November 11th, Korean couples yet again celebrate that day.  This time by giving each other Pepero.  If you don't know what Pepero is, it's a long chocolate-covered sesame-flavoured biscuit sticks.  Some might know it as Pocky.  These biscuits are given because the long biscuits are supposed to represent the 1's in November 11 (11.11).  

Christmas is not one of the major holidays in Korea.  Chuseok (mid-autumn lunar festival) and Lunar New Year are the major holidays in Korea.  So Christmas is not spent with family and friends, but it's another day for Korean couples.   In fact, it's THE biggest day for couples to bask in their coupleness.  Some singles actually try and desperately find a boyfriend/girlfriend for the main purpose of not flying Christmas solo.  And some make pacts with one another to group up for Christmas if they cannot find dates in order to avoid spending the holiday alone.

In addition to the "holidays", couples celebrate anniversaries.  But not the usual 1-month, 2-month... 6-month, 1-year anniversaries.  Koreans celebrate in 100-day anniversaries.  Parents celebrate 100-day anniversary of their babies' birth dates.  Couples celebrate each 100-day anniversaries and it's customary to give 100 won (approx 13 cents) per each 100-day to couples celebrating 100-day anniversaries.  It used to be REALLY annoying counting the days... but most Korean phones now have "d-day" features where you can just enter the date and it tells you your 100-day anniversary.

One thing's for sure... chocolate and candy companies, along with plush doll companies and flower shops, are making a killing on these days.  From flowers to chocolate baskets... I'm sure I've spent more than 500 bucks total on these days over the last 4 years.

I don't know how more lonely singles aren't committing suicides due to depression.  Maybe I should invent another day for couples... "Green Day", a day when couples are supposed to break up and give each other basket cases.

Pepero Day accounts for 30% of annual revenue for Pepero.

Good things come in... pairs?

For some reason unbeknownst to me, Korean couples have the need to show to the public that they are a couple.  By that, I mean they show it in numerous ways.  In North America, matching jewellery is not uncommon, but I'd be hard pressed finding couples looking like these walking around in public:

There are also couple rings, couple cellphone accessories, couple PJs and more.  A couple ring is typically exchanged on the 100th-day anniversary.  They call this "couple look" and couples actually walk around like this on the streets.  I get embarassed myself just looking at these couples.  It's funny seeing the guy or the girl astray from his/her counterpart, because these couple shirts don't make as much sense without the other half.  

I, personally, will never be caught dead wearing these.  

See?  These people are so ashamed that they blurred themselves out of this photo.

Konglish Lesson #6

Konglish of the day:  gold miss (pronounced "goll-deuh-mee-seuh")

It's used quite often in K-Land and I believe it came from an earlier derivation: "old miss".  Gold miss refers to single women usually in their 30s and 40s (i.e. "old miss") with good education, successful careers and stable financial status, and who take pride in themselves for achieving independent success.  There's a popular Korean variety show called "Gold Miss is on her way" which pits 6 "gold miss" celebrities against each other where they compete for a chance to go on blind dates.  This is almost a marketing term in order to try and take away the negative image away from old single ladies in Korea.

"My manager is such a gold miss, she's turning 40 this year, she's single and she's loving it."

"Set me up on a so-gae-ting!  I don't want to end up a gold miss..."

"Damn, she's hot!  But I wouldn't know how to approach a gold miss."

Cafés

There aren't that many different types of cafés back in Toronto.  Cafés are usually places where you can go sit down and get caffeinated drinks, to put simply.  An internet café might be a variety that is vastly different.

Just this weekend, I saw a Wii Café.  "Really?!", said I.  I went up to the establishment to check it out.  I didn't really go in, but I saw drawings of Mario and Sonic at the door and I was able to see, through the blinds covering a large window, a couple playing the Nintendo Wii sitting on a couch.  This was just one of many different types of themed cafés I've seen here.

I list here a list of different types of "cafés"(pronounced "kah-peh") you can find in Korea.  Most of them involve doing different activities as you enjoy a variety of drinks.

Boardgame Café:  You pay by the hour to play boardgames while having drinks.  Servers need to be versed in all board games in order to explain the rules.

Costume Café:  You try on different types of costumes or make-up and you pay per costume you try on.

Daum/Naver Café:  Daum and Naver are internet portal sites like Yahoo and they offer community sites which people call "Cafés".  Think Yahoo Groups or Google Groups.

Fortune Telling Café:  Very common and popular among young ladies.  These places have in-house fortune tellers going from table-to-table telling peoples' fortunes.

Free Café:  You pay for drinks and they offer side perks for "free" (or "service").  Usually, the things they offer for free are fortune telling, cake, polaroid photo, nail care... 

Princess Café:  The decor basically has a shitload of curtains, flowers, laces and frills... and there are vanities where you can sit down to freshen up.  Ashamed to say that I've been to one on a blind date.

Doll Café:  You play with dolls.  Barbie-type dolls everywhere.  There are also cafés with plush dolls like teddy bears... teddy bears everywhere.  Again... ashamed to admit that I've been to one of these as well.

I'm sure there are more interesting places, but I haven't discovered them yet.  And I'm not sure if there are cafés like the "coffee shops" in Amsterdam.  I've heard there are a lot more "interesting" cafés in Japan.  Maybe I'll go check them out when I visit the country, but I am still quite fascinated with those that exist here.

This gave me an idea for a new café theme:  Play with a baby while enjoying a cup of coffee... rent out babies by the hour.

Blind Dates

Koreans have "ting" terminologies (derived from the word "meeting") which they use for the different ways they meet people of the opposite sex.  I will go into more detail in a later post, but I will explain one of the "ting"s: "so-gae-ting" where "so-gae" is Korean word for "introduction".  It's basically where you meet somebody through an introduction, but very often the two of you meet by yourselves without the middle person.  In other words, a blind date.

Unless I'm wrong, blind dates are somewhat of a taboo back in NA.  Back in Canada, I only went on one blind date... and it was with a Korean girl... (didn't work out).  I've never heard of a couple getting hooked up through a blind date nor have I seen any friends hook each other up on blind dates.  I think people preferred to take the risk of running into a 50-year old hairy virgins on online dating sites over getting set up on blind dates.

I've been in Korea for 3.5 years and I went out on more than 20 so-gae-tings... 10 of which were during the second half of last year.  That is not considered unusual for somebody my age in Korea.  I don't really go around begging people to set me up, but I don't refuse when I get offers.  I've built a repertoire of first blind date topics that I can discuss as ice-breakers.  Like most blind date veterans, I have a routine.  Start talking about the circumstances on which the blind date was set up... and talk about the people who set you up and your relationship to those people... that's between 15 to 30 minutes.  Then talk about basic profile facts... name (you'd be surprised how often this is not a given prior to meeting face-to-face), age (important in Korea), family, work, school majors...  By this time, the dinner/lunch (which I always pay for) would be over and we'd move over to a coffee shop or a bar depending on the location and time of day.  Then I talk about how I'm Canadian and I have moved here 3 years ago.. this always has a follow-up question as to why I came here.  After that, topics become more fluid and I'd ask first-date questions: "What are your hobbies?" "What's your favourite movie?" "Have you traveled anywhere?" "Where is the favourite place you visited?" After an hour or so of that BS, I make a decision call at that point...  I try and make effort to make more interesting conversations if I'm interested in the girl.. or I make an excuse to get out of there if I find the girl too annoying / ugly / fat / old / boring / dumb / conservative / crazy / clingy / whiny / sensitive / snobby / bitchy / skanky.  Also, if I ain't interested, I let her get up first and I walk behind her so that she reaches the counter first in order to make her feel inclined to pay for the coffee/drink.  Costs associated with these random blind dates add up quite a bit.

It's not awkward...