Marriage - Part Two

In this post, I will talk a little bit about marriage gifts before going into marrying "elites" in Korea.

In Korea, marriage is more of a union of families than a union of two people.  There's a lot of process involved in marrying families, it seems.  Korean families make material preparations and exchange marriage "goods" when their children get married.  Many cultures have something similar, I'm sure, but the Korean way is way too complex for me to understand the details.  Simply put, groom's family prepares the home for the couple to live in, the bride's family fills the home with furnishings and the families exchange cash, jewellery, silken goods and other "marriage" items.  Families come to agreements on these items before the couple marries.  I can't imagine the parents sitting down and negotiate on them. 

When I was working in the patent department of our company, I've been told that I should study and take the patent bar to become a patent lawyer... so that I can marry well.  I like the idea of "marrying well" (whatever that means), but I'm not gonna take the wrong career path for me to do so.  "Patent lawyer" in Korean is "byeollisa".  In Korea, some of the top professions end in a single Korean letter pronounced "sa".  Doctor - Euisa.  Lawyer - Byunhosa.  Judge - Pahnsa.  If a girl wants to get married to a "sa", she needs to be hot, for one, and her parents have to fork up a lot money.  Usually, the parents of the girl has to pay for the couple's house, a doctor's office and car for the son and buy loads of shit for the groom's family.  I've heard of marriages become unrealized solely because the guy's parents demanded too much materialistic goods from the girl's family and the girl's parents couldn't afford it or refused.

The way I see it, the parents of the "sa" is SELLING their son, trying to get some return on their investment.  It's sad, in my point-of-view, but some say it makes sense.  It's even sadder than some families willingly pay up that much money and send their daughters off thinking that they've gotten a good deal.

"sa" is definitely in high demand among women but there are also professions for women that men prefers.  Teachers are popular because the profession is directly related to the education of children.  Flight attendants are also very popular, because I think the women have to be physically attractive to start with and the profession demands high quality of service which husbands desire from their wife-to-be's.

Some professions rise to the status of "elites" if they ride the trends to be come popular.  In the recent years, fund managers were in top demand because they became lucrative careers during the economic rise after early 2000s, but I'm sure that that popularity took a massive hit due to the global financial crisis.

Marriage - Part One

Marriage is a major topic that offers the most variation across different cultures... and across generations.

Some marriage cultural aspects in Korea haven't changed much over the years so I will post about them here.  Although I haven't seen many people get married while I was living in Canada, I know enough to realize what is distinctly Korean in Korean marriages.  This post will focus on the topic of people choosing their marriage partners.

Koreans talk about "conditions" or "qualifications" of somebody they plan to marry.  It's not so much the "standards" that I'm used to hearing back in Canada... I call them "qualifications" because that's what they are, to me at least.  In North America, in general, I think one dates another of his/her sexual orientation then determines whether he/she can get married to the person after a long while of getting to know the person.  In Korea, people simply have a set of qualifications they almost adhere to before they even date somebody seriously.  

A woman will have the following set of "conditions" for her marriage-material dude (in order of priority from my perspectives):

1. Job/career - Profession and/or minimum salary is a good metric

2. Education - I've already touched upon on this topic, but the guy's school shouldn't rank too low

3. Parents' current/past career - Read as "Potential need to financially support parents and/or future inheritance"

4. Personality - This is not a simple fact on a profile sheet, but personalities shouldn't clash too much

5. Siblings - Simply put, is the guy the eldest son who has to put up his parents?  Will his sisters play the evil step-sister roles?

6. Physical appearance - Guys should look presentable enough

7. Hometown - Certain regions of Korea suffer from bad reps

A guy will have the following set of "conditions":

1. Physical appearance - #1 priority to aim for that trophy wife

2. Personality - Again, not measurable but men prefers "wife" material (supportive)

3. Education - Notice how big of a role this has?

4. Parents' current/past career - Same reason as above

5. Job/career - Not very important, but some professions are preferred above others.

6. Hometown - Same reason as above

There is definite credibility to the priorities I placed on those conditions above... since the marriage match-makers in Korea uses similar priorities.  I've been told that for men, it's physical hotness; for women, it's money.  Matchmakers apparently use a score-based ranking system and they match people of similar "rankings".  I get -5 points for being the eldest.  Hot girls get matched up with doctors and lawyers.  You know what else is interesting?  Some matchmakers employ "elite" singles to match up with their clients...to just go on single "dates".  Seems like a Disney version of pimping to me.

Parents play major roles when it comes to their children choosing their marriage partners.  Korean parents usually have to approve/disapprove of their in-laws (both the soon-to-be-weds as well as the parents) and parents of both parties have to come to agreement.  There's even a term for the first meeting among the parents:  "sangyeolleh" which, according to the dictionary, means "the formal bows between the bride and the groom".  My mom, for example, has her own set of "conditions" for my wife-to-be.  Unfortunately, I think there are maybe 3 girls in all of Korea that fits her bill... and I haven't met any of them yet... and I'm not holding my breath.

Koreans claim that people have better lives when the marriages are done between a couple that meet each other's "conditions".  Then how come Korea has one of the highest (definitely top 3) divorce rates in the world?

Konglish Lesson #6

Konglish of the day:  gold miss (pronounced "goll-deuh-mee-seuh")

It's used quite often in K-Land and I believe it came from an earlier derivation: "old miss".  Gold miss refers to single women usually in their 30s and 40s (i.e. "old miss") with good education, successful careers and stable financial status, and who take pride in themselves for achieving independent success.  There's a popular Korean variety show called "Gold Miss is on her way" which pits 6 "gold miss" celebrities against each other where they compete for a chance to go on blind dates.  This is almost a marketing term in order to try and take away the negative image away from old single ladies in Korea.

"My manager is such a gold miss, she's turning 40 this year, she's single and she's loving it."

"Set me up on a so-gae-ting!  I don't want to end up a gold miss..."

"Damn, she's hot!  But I wouldn't know how to approach a gold miss."