Marriage - Part Two

In this post, I will talk a little bit about marriage gifts before going into marrying "elites" in Korea.

In Korea, marriage is more of a union of families than a union of two people.  There's a lot of process involved in marrying families, it seems.  Korean families make material preparations and exchange marriage "goods" when their children get married.  Many cultures have something similar, I'm sure, but the Korean way is way too complex for me to understand the details.  Simply put, groom's family prepares the home for the couple to live in, the bride's family fills the home with furnishings and the families exchange cash, jewellery, silken goods and other "marriage" items.  Families come to agreements on these items before the couple marries.  I can't imagine the parents sitting down and negotiate on them. 

When I was working in the patent department of our company, I've been told that I should study and take the patent bar to become a patent lawyer... so that I can marry well.  I like the idea of "marrying well" (whatever that means), but I'm not gonna take the wrong career path for me to do so.  "Patent lawyer" in Korean is "byeollisa".  In Korea, some of the top professions end in a single Korean letter pronounced "sa".  Doctor - Euisa.  Lawyer - Byunhosa.  Judge - Pahnsa.  If a girl wants to get married to a "sa", she needs to be hot, for one, and her parents have to fork up a lot money.  Usually, the parents of the girl has to pay for the couple's house, a doctor's office and car for the son and buy loads of shit for the groom's family.  I've heard of marriages become unrealized solely because the guy's parents demanded too much materialistic goods from the girl's family and the girl's parents couldn't afford it or refused.

The way I see it, the parents of the "sa" is SELLING their son, trying to get some return on their investment.  It's sad, in my point-of-view, but some say it makes sense.  It's even sadder than some families willingly pay up that much money and send their daughters off thinking that they've gotten a good deal.

"sa" is definitely in high demand among women but there are also professions for women that men prefers.  Teachers are popular because the profession is directly related to the education of children.  Flight attendants are also very popular, because I think the women have to be physically attractive to start with and the profession demands high quality of service which husbands desire from their wife-to-be's.

Some professions rise to the status of "elites" if they ride the trends to be come popular.  In the recent years, fund managers were in top demand because they became lucrative careers during the economic rise after early 2000s, but I'm sure that that popularity took a massive hit due to the global financial crisis.

Marriage - Part One

Marriage is a major topic that offers the most variation across different cultures... and across generations.

Some marriage cultural aspects in Korea haven't changed much over the years so I will post about them here.  Although I haven't seen many people get married while I was living in Canada, I know enough to realize what is distinctly Korean in Korean marriages.  This post will focus on the topic of people choosing their marriage partners.

Koreans talk about "conditions" or "qualifications" of somebody they plan to marry.  It's not so much the "standards" that I'm used to hearing back in Canada... I call them "qualifications" because that's what they are, to me at least.  In North America, in general, I think one dates another of his/her sexual orientation then determines whether he/she can get married to the person after a long while of getting to know the person.  In Korea, people simply have a set of qualifications they almost adhere to before they even date somebody seriously.  

A woman will have the following set of "conditions" for her marriage-material dude (in order of priority from my perspectives):

1. Job/career - Profession and/or minimum salary is a good metric

2. Education - I've already touched upon on this topic, but the guy's school shouldn't rank too low

3. Parents' current/past career - Read as "Potential need to financially support parents and/or future inheritance"

4. Personality - This is not a simple fact on a profile sheet, but personalities shouldn't clash too much

5. Siblings - Simply put, is the guy the eldest son who has to put up his parents?  Will his sisters play the evil step-sister roles?

6. Physical appearance - Guys should look presentable enough

7. Hometown - Certain regions of Korea suffer from bad reps

A guy will have the following set of "conditions":

1. Physical appearance - #1 priority to aim for that trophy wife

2. Personality - Again, not measurable but men prefers "wife" material (supportive)

3. Education - Notice how big of a role this has?

4. Parents' current/past career - Same reason as above

5. Job/career - Not very important, but some professions are preferred above others.

6. Hometown - Same reason as above

There is definite credibility to the priorities I placed on those conditions above... since the marriage match-makers in Korea uses similar priorities.  I've been told that for men, it's physical hotness; for women, it's money.  Matchmakers apparently use a score-based ranking system and they match people of similar "rankings".  I get -5 points for being the eldest.  Hot girls get matched up with doctors and lawyers.  You know what else is interesting?  Some matchmakers employ "elite" singles to match up with their clients...to just go on single "dates".  Seems like a Disney version of pimping to me.

Parents play major roles when it comes to their children choosing their marriage partners.  Korean parents usually have to approve/disapprove of their in-laws (both the soon-to-be-weds as well as the parents) and parents of both parties have to come to agreement.  There's even a term for the first meeting among the parents:  "sangyeolleh" which, according to the dictionary, means "the formal bows between the bride and the groom".  My mom, for example, has her own set of "conditions" for my wife-to-be.  Unfortunately, I think there are maybe 3 girls in all of Korea that fits her bill... and I haven't met any of them yet... and I'm not holding my breath.

Koreans claim that people have better lives when the marriages are done between a couple that meet each other's "conditions".  Then how come Korea has one of the highest (definitely top 3) divorce rates in the world?

Konglish Lesson #8

Konglish of the day: apart (pronounced "ah-pah-teuh")

It does not mean 'apart' as in 'separate', but rather it's short for 'apartment'.  An apart is pretty much the ultimate dwelling for someone living in a Korean city.  Most aparts are part of huge apartment complexes, some as large as 40~50 buildings strong.

Another related Konglish: condo (pronounced "cone-do")

Condo is short for 'condominium', but the concept for a condo is different in Korea.  Koreans usually refers to condo resorts as 'condos'...like a ski or beach resort.  So if you tell a Korean that you live in a 'condo' in Toronto, you'll confuse the hell out of the person.

Yet another related Konglish: pension (pronounced like it's written "pension")

If I'm new to this culture, I would have had no idea why 'pension' would be a related word in this post.  Pensions are small remote bed-and-breakfast-type lodgings in Korea.  After a little research, I found out that 'pension' is used in Europe to describe small hotels usually operated retired pensioners.

One more related Konglish: officetel (pronounced "oh-peace-tel")

A merging of the words 'office' and 'hotel'.  I live in one of these:  A single building that houses studio-like apartments where each unit can be used for either businesses or residences.  My officetel is actually a pseudo-loft; it has a second floor but it is only 3 feet high.  Modern officetels usually come with some appliances integrated into the interior (aka "built-in" another Konglish).

Final related Konglish: oneroom (prounced "one-loom")

A studio apartment of lower quality than officetels.  Onerooms often invoke images of poverty as I've gotten looks of sympathy when I once mentioned that I might be shopping around for a oneroom.

The IT Heaven

Under several different metrics, Korea is considered one of the most technologically advanced countries in the world in terms of IT (Information Technology).  Not only is advanced technology available, a lot of people use it regularly.

Some facts:

Something like 91% of all homes have broadband internet.

Two of the top electronics manufacturers are based in Korea. 

First country to have mobile digital television as mass market success.

A typical person may have up to 6 different ways to pay for his/her coffee at Starbucks (via credit card swipe, cash, credit card RFID, mobile phone RFID, mobile phone barcode, transit card)

There's 1 GPS navigation system in usage for every 4 cars in Korea.

I pay 30 bucks a month for 100Mbps broadband internet line.

I just did an online internet speed test and it read 12MegaBYTES per second as my download speed within Korea... that means my Ethernet LAN card might be the bottleneck now..

A scenario:

I can send 5 bucks I owe to my friend to his bank account, pay last month's hydro bill, buy 10 stock shares of Samsung, buy tickets to a movie later in the evening, then watch a live televised baseball game... all on my mobile phone...without making an actual phone call... while taking a dump in the subway washroom.  This scenario is not impossible in the US.. but very difficult and very expensive and only possible by the most tech-savvy people.

Possible explanations:

I work in the telecom industry here in Korea, so I think I have some qualifications to state my opinions regarding why technology gets adopted faster and more easily in Korea.  Many industries in Korea are pushing the boundaries of IT, such as commerce, banking, entertainment.  The government is always pushing the IT industry, telling companies to deploy bigger, faster, better networks.  Accessbility due to high density of population helps fuel technology trends.  Patience is not a virtue in Korea where people always want everything faster and quicker.  Inferiority complex formed by being next to Japan forced Koreans to make and buy better gadgets.  Koreans are fascinated with things that flash and beep.  4 out of 5 dentists in Korea recommend people to surf the internet for 3 hours a day.

OK.  Maybe the last few points aren't exactly true...

I like technology myself, so it's convenient to be living in the center of it all.  I just wish it was more advanced so that robots one day will wash and fold my clothes.

This mysterious so-called Lucky Cream stands for the "L" in LG.

Strange Greetings

In the English language, there are a few greetings that are simply weird when translated to other languages.  Take "What's up?" or "Sleep tight!" as examples.  

Koreans have many greeting expressions that are quite funny when I hear (or use) them.

Most common "Hello" in Korean is "An-nyung-ha-se-yo?" ("Doing well?", literally)  in respected form and "An-nyung" ("well") in non-respected... 

To say "Bye", sometimes people say "Stay well" (sort of like "take care") or "Go well" (sort of like "Have a safe trip [to wherever you're going]") depending on whether the other person is staying or leaving the then-current location.

Not so strange so far, but there are some peculiar greetings such as...

"Have you eaten?" when greeting somebody shortly after a meal time... very common greeting at work.  It's not like they're offering to eat with you if you haven't.  If you answer "no", people usually just say "Why not?  You should eat..." I should say "No.  Good thing you asked, though, because I didn't have anybody to eat with... you want to go get lunch together?"  That would put them in an awkward spot if they have eaten and/or if you're not really close to them.

"You came?" when meeting somebody as expected.  Obviously, you're there.  Of course you came.  You would reply back "Yeah, I came." or "I returned" in case you return after a departure (at home or at work).  When my mom asked "you came?" whenever I returned home from school, I often jokingly replied back "no"... my mom thinks I'm a strange kid anyways.

"I will go in" or "Go in" when parting ways, in respected form.  In reference to you going inside your home, you would use this greeting if you're parting away from somebody or vice versa.  People use this even when the people are not going "inside" anywhere.  I found it especially strange when people used this when hanging up the phone... since both of you could be talking on the phone at home.

"Hang up" or "Mmm" as other greetings for hanging up the phone.  You could use the regular "bye"s for hanging up the phone, but people also often say "hang up" as a means of saying "bye".  Even more peculiar... Koreans use a "mmm" or "eung" as an informal "yes" (more like "yeah") and they use this to hang up a call.  However, often you find both sides of a phone conversation saying "mmm" multiple times before actually hanging up.  A common visualization of a Korean person hanging up the phone is someone saying "hang up mmm mmm mmm mmm...." as he/she slowly lowers his/her head along with the receiver then finally putting down the receiver and hanging up.

"Work hard" or "Suffer" as a parting greeting at work or to somebody working.  You actually tell somebody to "work hard" or you say "you're going through a lot of trouble" as a "hello" alternative.  I guess it sort of makes sense if you're saying that you appreciate their troubles they're going through, but I've often heard people tell others to literally "suffer".  That's a little extreme, in my opinion, but I've heard a counter-argument where somebody said people use the expression because, back in the old days,  it was considered to be of good fortune to be suffering as a result of working.

Besides verbal greetings, Koreans follow the respected vs non-respected forms of physical greetings.  When greeting an older person, people bow or shake hands but a handshake has to be accompanied by a bow and the other hand holding the shaking arm or somewhere on the torso.  Koreans do not use any form of kissing and hardly any hugging.  Very little physical contact when greeting, in general, compared to western cultures.

Ladies doing the "45-degree belly button bow", thanks for all your sufferance.

Cultist ritual

8:55am each morning at work, we do the morning exercise, aka the cultist ritual.  There's a series of beeps that comes out of the building PA system, followed by an all-too-cheery voice and music announcing it's the morning exercise time.  So each morning, the beeps come on.. then you can see over the low cubicle walls the heads of individuals slowly start popping up one-by-one... like zombies coming out of their graves.  The beeps are accompanied by countdowns displayed on TV sets placed along the walls... and on the screens, they have people demonstrating the stretch moves.  After about 8 stretching routines, we go into the high-fives......That's right, we do high-fives every morning.  "To brighten up the mood" they say....  "High-five! High-five!"  I'm slowly, day after day, increasing the amount of force I put into these high-fives... hopefully, one day I can make somebody bleed or break a wrist.  

Many Korean companies and most schools have morning exercise routines.  When I was in elementary school here in Korea, I remember we used to do the morning exercises out on the field before the school day started.  

  

There's even a NATIONAL exercise routine (called "Kook-min-che-jo") with accompanying music.  A lot of Koreans still know the sequence of movements for this 5-minute routine, which ranges from stretches and hops to squats and lunges.

Normally, I prefer to move as little a muscle during mornings so I prefer to sit on my ass while others are doing their stretches.  In general, however, I think this exercise thing is a fairly good national habit in order to start circulating the blood early in the day.

If Yuna Kim was on TV screens at work demonstrating stretch routines, I may actually make it to work on time each morning and stretch.

Konglish Lesson #7

Konglish of the day: fighting! (pronounced "hwa-ee-teeng" or "pa-ee-teeng"... there is no "F" sound in the Korean language)

"Fighting" is the word used to express excited encouragement as in "Go [Insert name of team/person/group], go!"  I say it often but I try not to think about how silly I used to think it sounds when I first found out "hwa-ee-teeng" is supposed to be "fighting".  I think it might have come from the expression "fighting spirit"... but I'm not sure how "fighting" became so mainstream in the language.

"Good luck on your exam!  Fighting!"

"One more goal, guys!  We can beat them!  Gather around once more!  One, two, three, fighting!"

"I know you're having a shitty day, but cheer up!  Aja aja fighting!"

Ce-le-bra-tions now come on!

Another post on a dating topic.... Couples have a lot excuses to celebrate their couple-ness.  

I hated anything and everything that had to do with Valentine's day, especially since I never had a girlfriend whenever it was February 14th.  If you're single and lonely in North America, you would also not like Valentine's day.  You would also hate Korea.

February 14th is Valentine's day where Koreans celebrate the couple's day by having the girls give the guys chocolates.  Why is this a one-way deal?  

Do not fret, ladies!  Because hard candy manufacturers got pissed that they got the short end of the straw against chocolate manufacturers and have decided to invent "White Day"...ok, maybe not true.  However, on March 14th, "White Day" (pronounced hwa-eeh-teuh-dae-eeh), guys give girls candies.

Not one, but TWO dedicated days to celebrate coupledom?  What about the lonely singles??  Soloists!  Unite on April 14th, "Black Day", to eat black noodles ("Chinese" black bean noodles)!

Apparently, there are other unofficial days for each 14th day of the month.. like Diary Day (give new diaries), Rose Day (give roses), Silver Day (give silver goods), Orange Day (drink orange juice).. but these are not very well-known.

While Canadians enter into moments of silence at 11:11am on November 11th, Korean couples yet again celebrate that day.  This time by giving each other Pepero.  If you don't know what Pepero is, it's a long chocolate-covered sesame-flavoured biscuit sticks.  Some might know it as Pocky.  These biscuits are given because the long biscuits are supposed to represent the 1's in November 11 (11.11).  

Christmas is not one of the major holidays in Korea.  Chuseok (mid-autumn lunar festival) and Lunar New Year are the major holidays in Korea.  So Christmas is not spent with family and friends, but it's another day for Korean couples.   In fact, it's THE biggest day for couples to bask in their coupleness.  Some singles actually try and desperately find a boyfriend/girlfriend for the main purpose of not flying Christmas solo.  And some make pacts with one another to group up for Christmas if they cannot find dates in order to avoid spending the holiday alone.

In addition to the "holidays", couples celebrate anniversaries.  But not the usual 1-month, 2-month... 6-month, 1-year anniversaries.  Koreans celebrate in 100-day anniversaries.  Parents celebrate 100-day anniversary of their babies' birth dates.  Couples celebrate each 100-day anniversaries and it's customary to give 100 won (approx 13 cents) per each 100-day to couples celebrating 100-day anniversaries.  It used to be REALLY annoying counting the days... but most Korean phones now have "d-day" features where you can just enter the date and it tells you your 100-day anniversary.

One thing's for sure... chocolate and candy companies, along with plush doll companies and flower shops, are making a killing on these days.  From flowers to chocolate baskets... I'm sure I've spent more than 500 bucks total on these days over the last 4 years.

I don't know how more lonely singles aren't committing suicides due to depression.  Maybe I should invent another day for couples... "Green Day", a day when couples are supposed to break up and give each other basket cases.

Pepero Day accounts for 30% of annual revenue for Pepero.

Good things come in... pairs?

For some reason unbeknownst to me, Korean couples have the need to show to the public that they are a couple.  By that, I mean they show it in numerous ways.  In North America, matching jewellery is not uncommon, but I'd be hard pressed finding couples looking like these walking around in public:

There are also couple rings, couple cellphone accessories, couple PJs and more.  A couple ring is typically exchanged on the 100th-day anniversary.  They call this "couple look" and couples actually walk around like this on the streets.  I get embarassed myself just looking at these couples.  It's funny seeing the guy or the girl astray from his/her counterpart, because these couple shirts don't make as much sense without the other half.  

I, personally, will never be caught dead wearing these.  

See?  These people are so ashamed that they blurred themselves out of this photo.

Konglish Lesson #6

Konglish of the day:  gold miss (pronounced "goll-deuh-mee-seuh")

It's used quite often in K-Land and I believe it came from an earlier derivation: "old miss".  Gold miss refers to single women usually in their 30s and 40s (i.e. "old miss") with good education, successful careers and stable financial status, and who take pride in themselves for achieving independent success.  There's a popular Korean variety show called "Gold Miss is on her way" which pits 6 "gold miss" celebrities against each other where they compete for a chance to go on blind dates.  This is almost a marketing term in order to try and take away the negative image away from old single ladies in Korea.

"My manager is such a gold miss, she's turning 40 this year, she's single and she's loving it."

"Set me up on a so-gae-ting!  I don't want to end up a gold miss..."

"Damn, she's hot!  But I wouldn't know how to approach a gold miss."