Strange Greetings

In the English language, there are a few greetings that are simply weird when translated to other languages.  Take "What's up?" or "Sleep tight!" as examples.  

Koreans have many greeting expressions that are quite funny when I hear (or use) them.

Most common "Hello" in Korean is "An-nyung-ha-se-yo?" ("Doing well?", literally)  in respected form and "An-nyung" ("well") in non-respected... 

To say "Bye", sometimes people say "Stay well" (sort of like "take care") or "Go well" (sort of like "Have a safe trip [to wherever you're going]") depending on whether the other person is staying or leaving the then-current location.

Not so strange so far, but there are some peculiar greetings such as...

"Have you eaten?" when greeting somebody shortly after a meal time... very common greeting at work.  It's not like they're offering to eat with you if you haven't.  If you answer "no", people usually just say "Why not?  You should eat..." I should say "No.  Good thing you asked, though, because I didn't have anybody to eat with... you want to go get lunch together?"  That would put them in an awkward spot if they have eaten and/or if you're not really close to them.

"You came?" when meeting somebody as expected.  Obviously, you're there.  Of course you came.  You would reply back "Yeah, I came." or "I returned" in case you return after a departure (at home or at work).  When my mom asked "you came?" whenever I returned home from school, I often jokingly replied back "no"... my mom thinks I'm a strange kid anyways.

"I will go in" or "Go in" when parting ways, in respected form.  In reference to you going inside your home, you would use this greeting if you're parting away from somebody or vice versa.  People use this even when the people are not going "inside" anywhere.  I found it especially strange when people used this when hanging up the phone... since both of you could be talking on the phone at home.

"Hang up" or "Mmm" as other greetings for hanging up the phone.  You could use the regular "bye"s for hanging up the phone, but people also often say "hang up" as a means of saying "bye".  Even more peculiar... Koreans use a "mmm" or "eung" as an informal "yes" (more like "yeah") and they use this to hang up a call.  However, often you find both sides of a phone conversation saying "mmm" multiple times before actually hanging up.  A common visualization of a Korean person hanging up the phone is someone saying "hang up mmm mmm mmm mmm...." as he/she slowly lowers his/her head along with the receiver then finally putting down the receiver and hanging up.

"Work hard" or "Suffer" as a parting greeting at work or to somebody working.  You actually tell somebody to "work hard" or you say "you're going through a lot of trouble" as a "hello" alternative.  I guess it sort of makes sense if you're saying that you appreciate their troubles they're going through, but I've often heard people tell others to literally "suffer".  That's a little extreme, in my opinion, but I've heard a counter-argument where somebody said people use the expression because, back in the old days,  it was considered to be of good fortune to be suffering as a result of working.

Besides verbal greetings, Koreans follow the respected vs non-respected forms of physical greetings.  When greeting an older person, people bow or shake hands but a handshake has to be accompanied by a bow and the other hand holding the shaking arm or somewhere on the torso.  Koreans do not use any form of kissing and hardly any hugging.  Very little physical contact when greeting, in general, compared to western cultures.

Ladies doing the "45-degree belly button bow", thanks for all your sufferance.

Cultist ritual

8:55am each morning at work, we do the morning exercise, aka the cultist ritual.  There's a series of beeps that comes out of the building PA system, followed by an all-too-cheery voice and music announcing it's the morning exercise time.  So each morning, the beeps come on.. then you can see over the low cubicle walls the heads of individuals slowly start popping up one-by-one... like zombies coming out of their graves.  The beeps are accompanied by countdowns displayed on TV sets placed along the walls... and on the screens, they have people demonstrating the stretch moves.  After about 8 stretching routines, we go into the high-fives......That's right, we do high-fives every morning.  "To brighten up the mood" they say....  "High-five! High-five!"  I'm slowly, day after day, increasing the amount of force I put into these high-fives... hopefully, one day I can make somebody bleed or break a wrist.  

Many Korean companies and most schools have morning exercise routines.  When I was in elementary school here in Korea, I remember we used to do the morning exercises out on the field before the school day started.  

  

There's even a NATIONAL exercise routine (called "Kook-min-che-jo") with accompanying music.  A lot of Koreans still know the sequence of movements for this 5-minute routine, which ranges from stretches and hops to squats and lunges.

Normally, I prefer to move as little a muscle during mornings so I prefer to sit on my ass while others are doing their stretches.  In general, however, I think this exercise thing is a fairly good national habit in order to start circulating the blood early in the day.

If Yuna Kim was on TV screens at work demonstrating stretch routines, I may actually make it to work on time each morning and stretch.

Konglish Lesson #7

Konglish of the day: fighting! (pronounced "hwa-ee-teeng" or "pa-ee-teeng"... there is no "F" sound in the Korean language)

"Fighting" is the word used to express excited encouragement as in "Go [Insert name of team/person/group], go!"  I say it often but I try not to think about how silly I used to think it sounds when I first found out "hwa-ee-teeng" is supposed to be "fighting".  I think it might have come from the expression "fighting spirit"... but I'm not sure how "fighting" became so mainstream in the language.

"Good luck on your exam!  Fighting!"

"One more goal, guys!  We can beat them!  Gather around once more!  One, two, three, fighting!"

"I know you're having a shitty day, but cheer up!  Aja aja fighting!"

Ce-le-bra-tions now come on!

Another post on a dating topic.... Couples have a lot excuses to celebrate their couple-ness.  

I hated anything and everything that had to do with Valentine's day, especially since I never had a girlfriend whenever it was February 14th.  If you're single and lonely in North America, you would also not like Valentine's day.  You would also hate Korea.

February 14th is Valentine's day where Koreans celebrate the couple's day by having the girls give the guys chocolates.  Why is this a one-way deal?  

Do not fret, ladies!  Because hard candy manufacturers got pissed that they got the short end of the straw against chocolate manufacturers and have decided to invent "White Day"...ok, maybe not true.  However, on March 14th, "White Day" (pronounced hwa-eeh-teuh-dae-eeh), guys give girls candies.

Not one, but TWO dedicated days to celebrate coupledom?  What about the lonely singles??  Soloists!  Unite on April 14th, "Black Day", to eat black noodles ("Chinese" black bean noodles)!

Apparently, there are other unofficial days for each 14th day of the month.. like Diary Day (give new diaries), Rose Day (give roses), Silver Day (give silver goods), Orange Day (drink orange juice).. but these are not very well-known.

While Canadians enter into moments of silence at 11:11am on November 11th, Korean couples yet again celebrate that day.  This time by giving each other Pepero.  If you don't know what Pepero is, it's a long chocolate-covered sesame-flavoured biscuit sticks.  Some might know it as Pocky.  These biscuits are given because the long biscuits are supposed to represent the 1's in November 11 (11.11).  

Christmas is not one of the major holidays in Korea.  Chuseok (mid-autumn lunar festival) and Lunar New Year are the major holidays in Korea.  So Christmas is not spent with family and friends, but it's another day for Korean couples.   In fact, it's THE biggest day for couples to bask in their coupleness.  Some singles actually try and desperately find a boyfriend/girlfriend for the main purpose of not flying Christmas solo.  And some make pacts with one another to group up for Christmas if they cannot find dates in order to avoid spending the holiday alone.

In addition to the "holidays", couples celebrate anniversaries.  But not the usual 1-month, 2-month... 6-month, 1-year anniversaries.  Koreans celebrate in 100-day anniversaries.  Parents celebrate 100-day anniversary of their babies' birth dates.  Couples celebrate each 100-day anniversaries and it's customary to give 100 won (approx 13 cents) per each 100-day to couples celebrating 100-day anniversaries.  It used to be REALLY annoying counting the days... but most Korean phones now have "d-day" features where you can just enter the date and it tells you your 100-day anniversary.

One thing's for sure... chocolate and candy companies, along with plush doll companies and flower shops, are making a killing on these days.  From flowers to chocolate baskets... I'm sure I've spent more than 500 bucks total on these days over the last 4 years.

I don't know how more lonely singles aren't committing suicides due to depression.  Maybe I should invent another day for couples... "Green Day", a day when couples are supposed to break up and give each other basket cases.

Pepero Day accounts for 30% of annual revenue for Pepero.

Good things come in... pairs?

For some reason unbeknownst to me, Korean couples have the need to show to the public that they are a couple.  By that, I mean they show it in numerous ways.  In North America, matching jewellery is not uncommon, but I'd be hard pressed finding couples looking like these walking around in public:

There are also couple rings, couple cellphone accessories, couple PJs and more.  A couple ring is typically exchanged on the 100th-day anniversary.  They call this "couple look" and couples actually walk around like this on the streets.  I get embarassed myself just looking at these couples.  It's funny seeing the guy or the girl astray from his/her counterpart, because these couple shirts don't make as much sense without the other half.  

I, personally, will never be caught dead wearing these.  

See?  These people are so ashamed that they blurred themselves out of this photo.

Konglish Lesson #6

Konglish of the day:  gold miss (pronounced "goll-deuh-mee-seuh")

It's used quite often in K-Land and I believe it came from an earlier derivation: "old miss".  Gold miss refers to single women usually in their 30s and 40s (i.e. "old miss") with good education, successful careers and stable financial status, and who take pride in themselves for achieving independent success.  There's a popular Korean variety show called "Gold Miss is on her way" which pits 6 "gold miss" celebrities against each other where they compete for a chance to go on blind dates.  This is almost a marketing term in order to try and take away the negative image away from old single ladies in Korea.

"My manager is such a gold miss, she's turning 40 this year, she's single and she's loving it."

"Set me up on a so-gae-ting!  I don't want to end up a gold miss..."

"Damn, she's hot!  But I wouldn't know how to approach a gold miss."

SKY schools? Do you take parachuting lessons there?

In Korea, WHERE you went for university matters.... a LOT.  Having a name brand degree can lead to a better job, a better wife and a better life in general.  Sure, it's generally the case in other countries, but in Korea the perks you get with a top school degree SEVERELY dwarfs those of lesser schools.  If you're talking in terms of cars, #1 school graduate would be rewarded with a Ferrari Enzo while a #15 school graduate would get a Dodge Neon... and #32 school graduate would be lucky to end up with a Fisher Price Power Wheels. 

That is why kids are forced to work their asses off to try and make it into one of the top schools.  They have to study like mad to get top scores in the national unversity entrance exam and they need to get top rankings within their high schools.  Graduating from some high schools give advantages to getting into top universities, so junior high school students have to work their asses off to get into those high schools.  Same shit goes for elementary schools which means that kids (read parents) set sights on top universities and start preparing even in elementary schools.  For some kids who get into universities outside of Seoul, it is very common for them to take one more year (or a few more) to just study and try to get into a higher-ranked school.

However, once they get into these schools, it's easy living from then on because it's relatively easy to graduate from Korean universities and obtain a degree.  Those who have graduated from one of the top three schools in Korea have their own brand.  SKY.  It stands for each of the top three schools in Korea: Seoul National University, Korea University and Yonsei University.  (Maybe SHY in US?  Stanford, Harvard, Yale?)  People seem to ooh and ahh at hearing "SKY".  I scoff.  Not because I went to a better school or anything, but because I feel that their "title" is representative of how well they studied up to high school and not so much of how well or what they studied in undergrad and thereafter.

If you were to rank the different education backgrounds..

- Top overseas universities (only those recognized by Koreans)

- Seoul National University

- Korea University

- Yonsei University

- KAIST (Korea Advanced Institute of Science and Technology) for techies

- Ehwa Women's University for ladies

- universities in Seoul

- other universities in Korea

- 2-year specialy colleges

Well, not 100% precise, but you get the picture...

Another interesting culture shock:  Korean girls are at a disadvantage if they graduated from a top school in Korea.  A "SKY" brand would limit the size of the pool of guys from which they can find a husband, because many of them are intimidated by women with better education than theirs.  And of course, education is a MAJOR criterion of the right husband for women.  

This phenomenon is perhaps due, in part, to the size of the country where people are more or less free to relocate anywhere within Korea.  Top companies in Korea would hire graduates directly from the top schools whereas North American companies may prefer hiring local grads....

Also, you cannot ignore the power of alumni networks in Korea, especially in organizations... but this may be a topic for another post.

I graduated from a quaint university in Ontario, Canada.  Almost no one in Korea has heard of it, so it does me no good.  

Dr. Legg Ohb Lock with PhD in Constructive Physics from a SKY school

Electronic Thrones

I've never seen a bidet in Canada.  I know there are certain cultures where they use a special water holder with a long curved spout in order to wash their behinds.  And I've seen bidets in European bathrooms.  I remember my family had one of those porcelain bidets that shoots water straight up when I lived here before going to Canada, so I'm certain Koreans have been using bidets for a long time.

Now, bidets are new-fangled gadgets that are placed on top of the regular toilets.  You can find them in some homes, workplaces, posh stores and malls.  We have them at work and they’re awesome!

As soon as you sit down, the throne purrs to life.  The low whirring sound is a whisper to your ears…”I’m ready when you are, baby…”  It first starts emitting fruity scents that seem to strum your olfactory senses.  So for the first few seconds, I’m a-waftin’ like there’s no tomorrow… that is, until I let out the first big one.  No amount of aromatic chemcals can mask the pungent odour.  Once you’ve done your deed, you start working the controls on the bidet.  On the side, there’s a control panel with a myriad of buttons and lights that let you control the throne.

I hit the “Cleanse” button.  I hear a click and a whirring sound that indicates that “the wand” is being extended.  “The wand” is an arm that extends and places a nozzle in position right underneath the sphincter.  The 2 seconds of whirring and the 2 seconds of pause feel like the clanking of chains and the brief moment at the apex of a rollercoaster ride.  You know what to expect, but there’s that intense feeling of anxiety.  As “the wand” start shooting that jet of water into the sensitive area, your muscles tighten automatically.  Once you get over the initial shock, it kinda feels nice.  At the push of a few buttons, you can adjust the position of the jet stream…although, I just simply bouge my ass here and there to get a thorough wash.  I can push stop when I think I'm clean, but I usually let it run its one-minute course… it’s long enough to get a good wash and yet leave you wanting more.  I hit the “Dry” button, which blows your anus with warm soothing air.  The butt dryer is too weak however and I sit on the throne for at least 2 minutes waiting for my ass to dry.

The "CHB-8000" @ work.  I think CHB stands for Cleans Hairy Buttocks..

Konglish Lesson #5

Konglish of the day: overeat (pronounced "o-ba-eeh-teuh")

There is a Korean word for vomiting, but a more commonly used word is "overeat" used as a noun.  People butchered the pronunciation for "overeat" so much that I didn't know it was supposed to be an English word the first few times I heard it.  I had to ask somebody.

"I drank so much last night I did an overeat on my way home."

"I had to give the cab driver extra money because my friend did an overeat in the cab."

"I haven't done an overeat in 13 years!"