Delivery

Culture shock: You can get anything delivered anywhere in Korea in a blink of an eye.

I love it!  It's so convenient!  I live by myself in Seoul, so I often get home from work to face the dilemma of how I should feed myself.  I'm far too lazy to cook anything nor keep any perishables in my fridge, so I end up ordering food most nights if I haven't eaten outside.

I choose food from about 30~40 different menus, ranging from sushi to sandwichs to pork bone stews.  It's like my personal room service... I just pick up my phone, call the number on the menu and I get it delivered within half an hour.  After I finish eating, I just pack up the dishes, put them outside my place and they come pick them up.  There a lot of 24-hour places that deliver as well...

Lately, I've been addicted to McDelivery... Sure, my zero regard for health will put me in a (big ass) coffin sooner than later, but I just LOVE eating Big Macs when I'm jonesing for them at 3AM in the morning.

There are also delivery services where somebody on a scooter delivers anything from point A to point B; they call this "quick service" (another Konglish word).  Also, there are personal errand services where you can request some dude to do shit for you like pick up dry cleaning, pay parking ticket fines, get you takeout from non-delivery restaurants or do grocery shopping.  In addition, most of your online purchases arrive on your doorsteps within 1 or 2 days.  I've been desensitized to delivery durations because of the usual "4 to 6 weeks" advertised when I was in Canada.

Even though I feel like an old fart ordering all these meals on wheels from the comforts of my couch, I don't know how I can ever live without all these deliveries.  

I gotta deliver these kids quickly in 40 minutes or they're free...

Cafés

There aren't that many different types of cafés back in Toronto.  Cafés are usually places where you can go sit down and get caffeinated drinks, to put simply.  An internet café might be a variety that is vastly different.

Just this weekend, I saw a Wii Café.  "Really?!", said I.  I went up to the establishment to check it out.  I didn't really go in, but I saw drawings of Mario and Sonic at the door and I was able to see, through the blinds covering a large window, a couple playing the Nintendo Wii sitting on a couch.  This was just one of many different types of themed cafés I've seen here.

I list here a list of different types of "cafés"(pronounced "kah-peh") you can find in Korea.  Most of them involve doing different activities as you enjoy a variety of drinks.

Boardgame Café:  You pay by the hour to play boardgames while having drinks.  Servers need to be versed in all board games in order to explain the rules.

Costume Café:  You try on different types of costumes or make-up and you pay per costume you try on.

Daum/Naver Café:  Daum and Naver are internet portal sites like Yahoo and they offer community sites which people call "Cafés".  Think Yahoo Groups or Google Groups.

Fortune Telling Café:  Very common and popular among young ladies.  These places have in-house fortune tellers going from table-to-table telling peoples' fortunes.

Free Café:  You pay for drinks and they offer side perks for "free" (or "service").  Usually, the things they offer for free are fortune telling, cake, polaroid photo, nail care... 

Princess Café:  The decor basically has a shitload of curtains, flowers, laces and frills... and there are vanities where you can sit down to freshen up.  Ashamed to say that I've been to one on a blind date.

Doll Café:  You play with dolls.  Barbie-type dolls everywhere.  There are also cafés with plush dolls like teddy bears... teddy bears everywhere.  Again... ashamed to admit that I've been to one of these as well.

I'm sure there are more interesting places, but I haven't discovered them yet.  And I'm not sure if there are cafés like the "coffee shops" in Amsterdam.  I've heard there are a lot more "interesting" cafés in Japan.  Maybe I'll go check them out when I visit the country, but I am still quite fascinated with those that exist here.

This gave me an idea for a new café theme:  Play with a baby while enjoying a cup of coffee... rent out babies by the hour.

Konglish Lesson #4

Definitely one of the funniest Konglish of all time...

Konglish of the day:  ING

No, not the insurance company... the suffix of a present participle verb.  I.e. "ing" of verbs like "barfing", "regurgitating", "puking".

I've heard Koreans actually say "I-N-G" when they say something is in progress.  Sometimes they label documents with [...ing]document.doc to indicate that they're in draft form.  Chalk this one up as another creative way to deform the English language.

"The status of the project is I-N-G."

"Yeah, my relationship with my girlfriend is still I-N-G."

"My porn download was I-N-G for like 3 hours!"

What did you say, boy?

Koreans have two main different ways of speaking:  You use a respected form when you are talking to somebody who are strangers to you or who are older than you; and you use a non-respected form when you are talking to somebody you know well.

Even in the respected form, there are different levels of respect or formality... those who watch a lot Korean drama can tell that some sentences end often with "... -ni-da".. and some end with "... -yo"... these are the different levels of formality.  You also have to some different vocabularity for this form.  There are three different words for "birthday"... talk about redundancies...

Likewise, in the non-respected form, there are variations... For example, you can use this form of the language to somebody older than you, but you can never call them "you"... you call them by their relations to you, like "big brother" "mom" "mister" and you cannot ever swear at somebody older than you.  You can only talk freely to people who are familiar to you and same age or younger.

It's all BS, really.. because you talk differently to people based on age.  It limits the control you have over the language.  I sometimes garnish my appreciation towards a friend with some vulgarity..."You son of a bitch, I'm glad to have a fucker like you as a friend."  I can't say that to somebody who's even one year older than me.  "Big brother, I'm glad to have a big brother like you."  They don't hold the same meaning....  Two people can talk in casual form to each other only when they're "friends" (i.e. same age) and not in "big brother - little brother" or "big sister - little sister" relationships.

Age is an unnecessarily complex factor in determining how you talk to somebody.  You could be the same age (i.e. born on the same year) but if you're talking to somebody who was born in January or February (i.e. born on the previous lunar new year), he/she might expect to give him/her proper respects.  Also, you have situations where somebody who was born in January can be "friends" with one person 9 months older and another 9 months younger, but the way they talk to each other is different.  It makes absolutely no sense that some dude born in April calls another dude born in previous December (4 months apart) "big brother".. while he's "friends" with somebody born in the following December (8 months apart).

Also, you just met somebody... that person is around the same age as you and you are getting to know this person quite well.  When do you switch from respected form to the casual form?  I never know.  I make the switch too fast and they go "how old did you say you were?"... (enter awkwardness)...  I miss the chance to switch and I end up in a perpetual state of using a mix of the two different forms of the language.

Ok... if you're talking to who's like 20 years older than you, fine, you could show some respect in the language you speak, but come on... why should you and I talk differently to one another because you lived one more year??  Why can't everybody be friends?

This Korean culture will not change overnight but it's something I will never get fully accustomed to.

I'm 5 minutes older than you, so watch what you say.

The Mask

It is almost mandatory that a blog about Koreans has a post on cosmetic surgeries.

Culture shock: That hot Korean girl did not have that face a few years ago.

On TV, MOST of the attractive celebrities have had surgeries... it's so common that some attractive women are praised for having "natural beauty" in the literal sense.  Talent management companies apparently make the investment and almost force their talents (actors/singers/etc) to get surgeries... otherwise, it's very hard to compete on a level ground.  You wouldn't believe how many celebrities look alike.. it's almost as if they pick the face out of a menu.  "Hmm... I like her nose... this one's eyes... and this lady's chin... Can you please gift-wrap them in bandages?  Thanks."

There's one particular neighbourhood in Seoul where many people go to get cosmetic surgeries... Here, there are 3 to 4 plastic surgery clinics in tightly-packed 5-story buildings.  Each claim to have beautified some sort of a celebrity... and those that claim the most popular celebrities occupy entire buildings of their own.  On several occasions, I've seen girls with bandaged-up faces walking around in the neighbourhood.

People get boob jobs, chisel their chins into "V"s, raise their nose bridges, etc... The "double-eyelid" surgery is the most common type that people get.  Apparently lots of guys get that too.  Due to the competitiveness in the job market, people have resorted to enhancing their appearances using surgeries for job interviews... while people back in NA might get a new haircut.

I've also seen people who can tell whether somebody is "unnatural"... it's an amazing talent!  I was at a gathering and sitting next to this guy who just looked at a girl and said "you did your eyes and nose, didn't you?" then looked at somebody else and go "you also did your eyes.. I can tell"...  I, on the other hand, couldn't tell shit.... but apparently some surgeries come out very natural while others look like the doctor messed up and tried to put the face back together using duct tape.

The media is to blame, in my opinion...  Everybody's attractive in the media and it has normalized the idea that surgeries are OK.  There are many safe advanced techniques and everybody does it, says the media.  Korean beautification techniques are so advanced that people from other Asian countries come for "plastic surgery tours".  Korean moms get surgeries for their daughters as high school graduation presents.  Handful of Korean celebrities tell people they HAD to get cosmetic surgeries... because they "got into car accidents" where they apparently only injured their ugly noses.  Working women take long vacations for surgeries so that they get enough time to recover and go back to work "unnoticed".  Who cares if your children won't be attractive when they're born?  You can fix them up when they grow up!

However, I'm not one to complain... I prefer to look at attractive people... and I also prefer to have the option of fixing my appearance when I fall way below the average.

You can also be beautiful like me!

Konglish Lesson #3

Konglish of the day: service (pronounced "suh-bee-seuh")

In order to an establishment to provide you with some extra service, they give you "service"... something complimentary on the house.  The most common example is an extra menu item at a restaurant...

"These dumplings are service."

"Lady, where's my service?!"

"They have good service here... beef sashimi!"

Note:  Not to be confused with "full service" (pronounced "pool suh-bee-seuh"), which is "the works" at a shady massage parlor.

Baseball

The World Baseball Classic just ended yesterday with Korea losing to Japan in the finals.  It was quite interesting while it lasted.

Korea only has 8 teams in their KBO (Korea Baseball Organization) league and I found it funny how they make a big deal out of 8 teams battling it out for the championship at the end of the season.  After seeing World Cup 2002, I thought soccer was the #1 sport in Korea but I was surprised to find out that baseball is #1 here.

Culture shock: Koreans got good at baseball.

I thought 'Is this a joke?' when I saw Korea take the gold during last year's Olympics.  But Korea took 3rd place in the first WBC and they came in #2 in the second WBC.  Who woulda thunk it?  Seems so random that this small country can do so well in international competitions... Korean baseball players make 14 times less salaries than Japanese players, but these two national teams were neck-and-neck.

I don't know when they got so good at it, but I'm fairly certain baseball may now gain even more popularity here.  Finally... something Koreans are good at besides archery, skating and badminton...

Did she not expect to strike out holding a bat like a girl?

Konglish Lesson #2

Konglish of the day: pop song (pronounced "pahp song")

I had thought Koreans really liked pop songs over other genre when they said they liked "pop songs". It turns out that Koreans refer to any English song as a "pop song"…

"Even though I don't understand the lyrics, I like pop songs"

"Rob, you probably only sing pop songs at karaoke"

"Where do you go download pop songs?"

Blind Dates

Koreans have "ting" terminologies (derived from the word "meeting") which they use for the different ways they meet people of the opposite sex.  I will go into more detail in a later post, but I will explain one of the "ting"s: "so-gae-ting" where "so-gae" is Korean word for "introduction".  It's basically where you meet somebody through an introduction, but very often the two of you meet by yourselves without the middle person.  In other words, a blind date.

Unless I'm wrong, blind dates are somewhat of a taboo back in NA.  Back in Canada, I only went on one blind date... and it was with a Korean girl... (didn't work out).  I've never heard of a couple getting hooked up through a blind date nor have I seen any friends hook each other up on blind dates.  I think people preferred to take the risk of running into a 50-year old hairy virgins on online dating sites over getting set up on blind dates.

I've been in Korea for 3.5 years and I went out on more than 20 so-gae-tings... 10 of which were during the second half of last year.  That is not considered unusual for somebody my age in Korea.  I don't really go around begging people to set me up, but I don't refuse when I get offers.  I've built a repertoire of first blind date topics that I can discuss as ice-breakers.  Like most blind date veterans, I have a routine.  Start talking about the circumstances on which the blind date was set up... and talk about the people who set you up and your relationship to those people... that's between 15 to 30 minutes.  Then talk about basic profile facts... name (you'd be surprised how often this is not a given prior to meeting face-to-face), age (important in Korea), family, work, school majors...  By this time, the dinner/lunch (which I always pay for) would be over and we'd move over to a coffee shop or a bar depending on the location and time of day.  Then I talk about how I'm Canadian and I have moved here 3 years ago.. this always has a follow-up question as to why I came here.  After that, topics become more fluid and I'd ask first-date questions: "What are your hobbies?" "What's your favourite movie?" "Have you traveled anywhere?" "Where is the favourite place you visited?" After an hour or so of that BS, I make a decision call at that point...  I try and make effort to make more interesting conversations if I'm interested in the girl.. or I make an excuse to get out of there if I find the girl too annoying / ugly / fat / old / boring / dumb / conservative / crazy / clingy / whiny / sensitive / snobby / bitchy / skanky.  Also, if I ain't interested, I let her get up first and I walk behind her so that she reaches the counter first in order to make her feel inclined to pay for the coffee/drink.  Costs associated with these random blind dates add up quite a bit.

It's not awkward...

Konglish Lesson #1

I'm gonna start a series of posts on Konglish, which is English mutated and used regularly by Koreans.  Please don't laugh when you hear me saying any of these.

Konglish of the day:  Skinship

Take "-ship" from, say, friendship... or companionship, and append it to "skin", and you get the common Konglish word: skinship.  It means "physical display of affection" or "bodily touch".  I must admit, it is kinda creative how they incorporated "skin" into this new word.  Almost makes sense...almost.

Koreans were using this "word" so naturally that I thought it was an actual English word I never heard of... until somebody told me what it meant.

"I feel uncomfortable being around him because he likes skinship too much."

"I attempted my first skinship with my gf yesterday and she replied back with a smack upside the head."

"Is ass-grabbing too much skinship at the workplace?"

Kicking off the blog with...

I had dog last week.

Almost a stereotype, Koreans back in Canada are often accused of eating dogs.  I don't know why we get the stereotype... Chinese people eat dogs too.  Even if a smaller percentage of Chinese people eat dogs, Chinese people probably devour a lot more dogs in total than Koreans.

I've never eaten any kind of a canine breed in the past.  I don't think I get disturbed by the thought of eating dog meat, but then I've never owned a dog.  I like dogs, but I always wanted to try the meat... to see what it tasted like.

I went to a place near work with my co-workers.  It was a big place, but it was completely empty at peak dinner time.  Apparently, dogs were not in season... (huh?)  We ordered two different types of main dog meat dishes.. one braised served on top of greens and another was a stew.  The lady brought in a big chunk of purplish meat... It was the neck which people claimed to be the best part.  Stomach meat is apparently the next best.  The cheapest sections of a dog are its legs... they use that shit for stews.  

At first, the meat triggered a little bit of a gag reflex when I put it in my mouth, but that tends to happen when I put strange oily meat into my mouth... After I got used to the smell, it was actually not too bad...both the taste and the texture...but doesn't taste as good as traditional meats.  And it doesn't taste like chicken.  The meal was kinda expensive, so I'd rather spend that money on good old-fashioned beef.

Don't look at me like that... I didn't know it was your daddy...

Birth of Korean 1.5

I have been living and working in Korea for the past three and a half years now, and during this period, I have witnessed several mild cases of culture shock and some severe ones.  In general though, I've seen many interesting differences between the Korean culture and the Canadian culture in which I grew up.  So I decided to blog about what I see and experience here.

The title of the blog is "Korean One Point Five" because, back in Canada, visible minorities can be labelled as first-generation immigrant (aka FOB) or second-gen (aka Banana).  I consider myself somewhere in-between, one-point-five.  Actually, I used to think that I'm more whitewashed than the regular one-pont-five-gen'ers, so I used refer to myself as one-pont-seven-five.... but now I'm more like 1.5 after having been in Korea for more than 3 years.

This blog is meant for my friends, family and anybody else who cares to read about the little cultural differences that makes Korea so peculiar.  It is meant to be purely pointless, meaningless and seriousness-less, so please don't take anything written here at face value.