I'd rather take birthday beats..

I got together with a bunch of friends from work and I was just glad it's not my birthday this month, since my friends decided to make brithday drinks for those celebrating birthdays this month.  Three people celebrated their birthdays.. and we also made two more drinks for the hell of it.

 

Note: Soju is the most common (read as cheap) type of Korean spirit that has alcohol level of about 20%.

 

Ingredient for drink #1:  Beer, soju, potato chips, cake icing and a dip of someonBrie's finger.

 

Ingredient for drink #2:  Beer, soju, nuts, cake, coke and a dip of a chicken wing.

 

Ingredient for drink #3:  Beer, soju, cake icing, orange soda, raw egg and chocolate.

 

Ingredient for drink #4:  Beer, soju, mango juice, coke, orange soda and raw egg.

 

Ingredient for drink #5:  Beer, soju X 2, salt, chicken wing, cake, chocolate, dry squid, nuts, chips and coke.

 

The last one went to the guy who suggested we have birthday drinks... it frothed up so much at one point, we had to let it settle before passing it around some more.  

 

Apparently this is taking it easy.  They say people used to take large bowls and put stuff like dandruffs, socks, cigarette butts and phlegm... for club initiations and such... nasty...

I searched online for some photos of "birthday drinks" but I decided not to post any pictures for this post because I thought i was gonna puke seeing some of these photos.

Sadness...

This morning, the former president of South Korea committed suicide by jumping off of a cliff in the middle of a hiking trail.  He was under a lot of pressure due to his bribery scandal for accepting more than $6M during his presidency.

I don't remember hearing a lot about suicides in Canada when I was living there, but I hear a lot about suicides here in Korea.  Not only are there frequent high-profile suicides, such as celebrities, conglomerate executives, politicians, there are way too many suicides among regular people, such as office workers, housewives and especially students.

#1 cause of death among Koreans in their 20's is suicide (#5 cause among all Koreans).  According to Wikipedia, Korea is #11 in the world for suicide rate @ 22 out of 100,000 people per year (#2 in the world for female suicides).

There are even websites and online "cafes" where people meet up to commit suicide together.  In the past few weeks, there was also a flurry of group suicides where they used charcoal burners in sealed rooms or cars which was a method used by a celebrity recently.  

There are a lot of suicides in the US, I know...I've heard of mass suicides often related to cult activities or some dumb kids committing suicides on live webcams.  But I hear of suicides way too often here to wonder why it is as such.  It may be due to the high level of overall stress.. or high levels of crime such as scam, fraud, corruption, etc... or perhaps it's the culture.  From the outside, one may see rapid technological advancements, great production capacity, tremendous national pride, etc.... but inside, Korea still seems to be a country suffering from a poor quality of life which may be a reason I never feel at ease.

Konglish Lesson #12

Konglish of the day: 3D (pronounced "Seu-ree-dee")

Stands for 3D: Difficult, Dangerous, Dirty.. Sometimes Demeaning or Demanding can replace one of the D's.  I believe this came from Japan, but Koreans refer to some diffcult jobs or tasks as "3D".

"My job is so 3D, but I have nowhere else to go..."

"I realize what I'm asking you to do is 3D, but it'll be worth it at the end."

"Your face is 3D!"

What's wrong with your voice?

There's a phenomenon in Korea called "aegyo".  Which can be dscribed as "acting cute".  Actually, I'm not sure if people outside of Korea would call it "acting cute".

Aegyos are performed using extremely whiny voice and prolonging the ends of their sentences.. also, sometimes the speech is gibberish like baby talk and accompanied by physical clinginess.  Both guys and girls do aegyos to try and appear cute so that they can get something they want from somebody of the other sex or somebody older.

Some guys just die seeing some girls do aegyos.  Especially when the girls call them "oppa", which means "big brother".  I'm not a fan of aegyos.  I find it annoying.  It CAN be cute.. if a cute girl does it.  It is NOT cute if a guy does it.. nor is it cute when a girl whose image does not fit "cute" does it.  It makes me cringe when I see a girl who makes those squeaky whiny voices and thinks it's actually cute.

People not familiar with Korean culture or some other Asian cultures will have very little idea what I'm talking about.  I myself haven't really experienced it firsthand until I got here.

I think they oughta restrict people from doing aegyos.  They should only license those who are qualified to do aegyos... cute girls, kids ages 7 and down.

Umm... no.  Don't make me poke your eyes out.

Konglish Lesson #11

Konglish of the day: handphone (pronounced "hen-deuh-pone")

Koreans have a Korean word for a cellphone, but they thought it would be better use an English word... well.. a word they thought was English.

"I have the coolest handphone around."

"Where did I put my handphone?"

"You should not be talking on your handphone while you're driving."

I'd like free smiles please...

Shortly after I arrived in Korea the first time, I was very surprised with the level of service offered in Korean establishments.  Wherever I went, the service provided by most employees was top-notch.

One time at a family restaurant, I was enjoying some pasta with a cup of cola.  I was taking my time with my drink when the waitress lady took my half-full (or half-empty, whatever) cup and started walking away.  I yelled after her telling her that I wasn't done with my drink then she told she was refiling it.  When she returned with a full cup, I asked her why she was refilling it at half-full.  She told me it was because the ice had melted and watered down the drink.  I was actually shocked by the level of consideration which was totally unnecessary, in my opinion.  Some places have servers crouch down next to tables to make sure their eye levels are below yours.

Same level of service quality can be witnessed in hair salons... not even posh hair salons.  Even regular hair salons bring you drinks and wash your hair before and after a simple haircut.  Some places even take some time to massage your scalp for a few minutes as they wash your hair.  All for like half the cost of hair cuts I used to get back in Toronto.

The fact that there is no tipping culture in Korea makes it even more remarkable.

All of this service provided at no tips (most of these part-time jobs pay around 4000 won per hour... about US$3 now) makes you wonder how difficult it is to make a few bucks in Korea.  It IS probably the only way to survive in this competitive environment.

Not only will we  give you a free smile, we'll pamper you so much that you yourself will die from oversmileage.

What happened to letting the machine get it?

Koreans do not use voicemail.

Maybe the technology in Korea skipped voicemail altogether, but Koreans almost never use it.

When I was in Canada, everybody used voicemail.. or an answering machine.. at home, at work and on your mobile.  One of the first things you do when you start new work is recording your voicemail greeting.

I've never reached a voicemail system or an answering machine whenever I called a landline phone in Korea.

Throughout the four years I've been in Korea, I've had maybe 4 people leave voicemail on my mobile.  Most of the time, people call cell phones and when it's unanswered, they hang up and either assume they'll get return calls thanks to caller IDs and/or they send a text message.

Even though I work for a company that MAKES phone systems, I have no voicemail at work.  I wanted voicemail, they wouldn't give it to me... they disabled the feature on the company phone system.

If I call a co-worker, somebody else answers if the person I'm calling is not there.  I don't want to talk to somebody else... I want to talk to a freakin' machine.  Instead of leaving my mesasge on a reliable recording medium, I have to rely on some stranger who may or may not deliver my message properly.  Likewise, I do not like relying on my co-workers to answer my missed calls.   And I really don't like answering somebody else's phone either.. but people don't hang up even though they know they're not gonna get the machine.  You have to "pull" and answer your co-worker's phone call from your desk.

Back in North America, receiving mobile calls also costs you airtime, so you don't give out your cell numbers that readily for work purposes.  People are also reluctant to call mobiles unless it's absolutely necessary.  In Korea, however, your mobile number has to be available to everyone at work and people call eachother willy-nilly whenever.  So if you don't pick up your phone at your desk, they call your cell phone... or they just don't bother with your landline and call your cell right away.

So it may be that the voicemail had been a victim of the rapid introduction of cell phones and text messages, but why are Koreans afraid of talking to the machine?

Answering machine... how I miss thee...

Why oh why?

I went to a Kraze Burger for the first time tonight.  It's a Korea-based burger franchise.

I ordered the KO Burger because it sounded delicious with its beef patty, bacon, swiss cheese and jalapeno peppers...

When I got the burger, it was cut in half and it had two plastic sword things sticking out like they do with club sandwiches.  The taste was alright...but throughout the meal, I couldn't get my head wrapped around the concept of eating a cut burger.  Eating a burger cut in half is a no-no in my burger world.

Who cuts burgers?  The fuck.

Won't anybody think of the children?!

Konglish Lesson #10

Konglish of the day: glamour (pronounced "geullehmuh")

If you're a girl new to the Korean culture and somebody used this word to describe you, then that person was admiring the size of your jugs.  Koreans use this word to mean "voluptuous"... perhaps the word "voluptuous" is especially hard for Koreans to pronounce.  Koreans might mistake Glamour magazine for an adult magazine...

"I wanna be glamour like those other girls."

"I don't know about her face.. but I like glamour style girls."

"Dude, you're getting fat.. and getting man-boobs.  Almost glamour... you should wear the manzier."

Konglish Lesson #9

Konglish of the day: 1+1 (pronounced "one pluh-seuh one")

You can often find "1+1" in supermarkets or stores as promotional methods.  It means "2-for-1" as in 2 for the price of 1.  I don't know why Koreans decided to popularize "1 + 1" while "2-for-1" is just as catchy and easy for Koreans to use.

There was a time at work when there was a disagreement between an American supplier and a Korean co-worker on the price of an item.  The price was quoted by the supplier as being "$x plus tax".  In North America, that means x does not include tax and you must add tax to get total price.  This Korean co-worker misunderstood and argued that x is the price that we had to pay.  That's fine.  He's entitled to misunderstanding.  However, he was very adamant in his statement that he was right and the supplier was wrong... and he used the argument that tax is included in "x + tax" because "1 + 1" means you get 2 for the price of 1.

"I decided to buy this milk because of 1+1."

"You want me there on your so-gae-ting?  Oh!  I'll bring another girl to even up the numbers, but then since she's also single, it'll be 1+1 for you!"

"Instead of buying separate snacks, let's get this sandwich and share.  It's on 1+1."

Marriage - Part Two

In this post, I will talk a little bit about marriage gifts before going into marrying "elites" in Korea.

In Korea, marriage is more of a union of families than a union of two people.  There's a lot of process involved in marrying families, it seems.  Korean families make material preparations and exchange marriage "goods" when their children get married.  Many cultures have something similar, I'm sure, but the Korean way is way too complex for me to understand the details.  Simply put, groom's family prepares the home for the couple to live in, the bride's family fills the home with furnishings and the families exchange cash, jewellery, silken goods and other "marriage" items.  Families come to agreements on these items before the couple marries.  I can't imagine the parents sitting down and negotiate on them. 

When I was working in the patent department of our company, I've been told that I should study and take the patent bar to become a patent lawyer... so that I can marry well.  I like the idea of "marrying well" (whatever that means), but I'm not gonna take the wrong career path for me to do so.  "Patent lawyer" in Korean is "byeollisa".  In Korea, some of the top professions end in a single Korean letter pronounced "sa".  Doctor - Euisa.  Lawyer - Byunhosa.  Judge - Pahnsa.  If a girl wants to get married to a "sa", she needs to be hot, for one, and her parents have to fork up a lot money.  Usually, the parents of the girl has to pay for the couple's house, a doctor's office and car for the son and buy loads of shit for the groom's family.  I've heard of marriages become unrealized solely because the guy's parents demanded too much materialistic goods from the girl's family and the girl's parents couldn't afford it or refused.

The way I see it, the parents of the "sa" is SELLING their son, trying to get some return on their investment.  It's sad, in my point-of-view, but some say it makes sense.  It's even sadder than some families willingly pay up that much money and send their daughters off thinking that they've gotten a good deal.

"sa" is definitely in high demand among women but there are also professions for women that men prefers.  Teachers are popular because the profession is directly related to the education of children.  Flight attendants are also very popular, because I think the women have to be physically attractive to start with and the profession demands high quality of service which husbands desire from their wife-to-be's.

Some professions rise to the status of "elites" if they ride the trends to be come popular.  In the recent years, fund managers were in top demand because they became lucrative careers during the economic rise after early 2000s, but I'm sure that that popularity took a massive hit due to the global financial crisis.

Marriage - Part One

Marriage is a major topic that offers the most variation across different cultures... and across generations.

Some marriage cultural aspects in Korea haven't changed much over the years so I will post about them here.  Although I haven't seen many people get married while I was living in Canada, I know enough to realize what is distinctly Korean in Korean marriages.  This post will focus on the topic of people choosing their marriage partners.

Koreans talk about "conditions" or "qualifications" of somebody they plan to marry.  It's not so much the "standards" that I'm used to hearing back in Canada... I call them "qualifications" because that's what they are, to me at least.  In North America, in general, I think one dates another of his/her sexual orientation then determines whether he/she can get married to the person after a long while of getting to know the person.  In Korea, people simply have a set of qualifications they almost adhere to before they even date somebody seriously.  

A woman will have the following set of "conditions" for her marriage-material dude (in order of priority from my perspectives):

1. Job/career - Profession and/or minimum salary is a good metric

2. Education - I've already touched upon on this topic, but the guy's school shouldn't rank too low

3. Parents' current/past career - Read as "Potential need to financially support parents and/or future inheritance"

4. Personality - This is not a simple fact on a profile sheet, but personalities shouldn't clash too much

5. Siblings - Simply put, is the guy the eldest son who has to put up his parents?  Will his sisters play the evil step-sister roles?

6. Physical appearance - Guys should look presentable enough

7. Hometown - Certain regions of Korea suffer from bad reps

A guy will have the following set of "conditions":

1. Physical appearance - #1 priority to aim for that trophy wife

2. Personality - Again, not measurable but men prefers "wife" material (supportive)

3. Education - Notice how big of a role this has?

4. Parents' current/past career - Same reason as above

5. Job/career - Not very important, but some professions are preferred above others.

6. Hometown - Same reason as above

There is definite credibility to the priorities I placed on those conditions above... since the marriage match-makers in Korea uses similar priorities.  I've been told that for men, it's physical hotness; for women, it's money.  Matchmakers apparently use a score-based ranking system and they match people of similar "rankings".  I get -5 points for being the eldest.  Hot girls get matched up with doctors and lawyers.  You know what else is interesting?  Some matchmakers employ "elite" singles to match up with their clients...to just go on single "dates".  Seems like a Disney version of pimping to me.

Parents play major roles when it comes to their children choosing their marriage partners.  Korean parents usually have to approve/disapprove of their in-laws (both the soon-to-be-weds as well as the parents) and parents of both parties have to come to agreement.  There's even a term for the first meeting among the parents:  "sangyeolleh" which, according to the dictionary, means "the formal bows between the bride and the groom".  My mom, for example, has her own set of "conditions" for my wife-to-be.  Unfortunately, I think there are maybe 3 girls in all of Korea that fits her bill... and I haven't met any of them yet... and I'm not holding my breath.

Koreans claim that people have better lives when the marriages are done between a couple that meet each other's "conditions".  Then how come Korea has one of the highest (definitely top 3) divorce rates in the world?

Konglish Lesson #8

Konglish of the day: apart (pronounced "ah-pah-teuh")

It does not mean 'apart' as in 'separate', but rather it's short for 'apartment'.  An apart is pretty much the ultimate dwelling for someone living in a Korean city.  Most aparts are part of huge apartment complexes, some as large as 40~50 buildings strong.

Another related Konglish: condo (pronounced "cone-do")

Condo is short for 'condominium', but the concept for a condo is different in Korea.  Koreans usually refers to condo resorts as 'condos'...like a ski or beach resort.  So if you tell a Korean that you live in a 'condo' in Toronto, you'll confuse the hell out of the person.

Yet another related Konglish: pension (pronounced like it's written "pension")

If I'm new to this culture, I would have had no idea why 'pension' would be a related word in this post.  Pensions are small remote bed-and-breakfast-type lodgings in Korea.  After a little research, I found out that 'pension' is used in Europe to describe small hotels usually operated retired pensioners.

One more related Konglish: officetel (pronounced "oh-peace-tel")

A merging of the words 'office' and 'hotel'.  I live in one of these:  A single building that houses studio-like apartments where each unit can be used for either businesses or residences.  My officetel is actually a pseudo-loft; it has a second floor but it is only 3 feet high.  Modern officetels usually come with some appliances integrated into the interior (aka "built-in" another Konglish).

Final related Konglish: oneroom (prounced "one-loom")

A studio apartment of lower quality than officetels.  Onerooms often invoke images of poverty as I've gotten looks of sympathy when I once mentioned that I might be shopping around for a oneroom.

The IT Heaven

Under several different metrics, Korea is considered one of the most technologically advanced countries in the world in terms of IT (Information Technology).  Not only is advanced technology available, a lot of people use it regularly.

Some facts:

Something like 91% of all homes have broadband internet.

Two of the top electronics manufacturers are based in Korea. 

First country to have mobile digital television as mass market success.

A typical person may have up to 6 different ways to pay for his/her coffee at Starbucks (via credit card swipe, cash, credit card RFID, mobile phone RFID, mobile phone barcode, transit card)

There's 1 GPS navigation system in usage for every 4 cars in Korea.

I pay 30 bucks a month for 100Mbps broadband internet line.

I just did an online internet speed test and it read 12MegaBYTES per second as my download speed within Korea... that means my Ethernet LAN card might be the bottleneck now..

A scenario:

I can send 5 bucks I owe to my friend to his bank account, pay last month's hydro bill, buy 10 stock shares of Samsung, buy tickets to a movie later in the evening, then watch a live televised baseball game... all on my mobile phone...without making an actual phone call... while taking a dump in the subway washroom.  This scenario is not impossible in the US.. but very difficult and very expensive and only possible by the most tech-savvy people.

Possible explanations:

I work in the telecom industry here in Korea, so I think I have some qualifications to state my opinions regarding why technology gets adopted faster and more easily in Korea.  Many industries in Korea are pushing the boundaries of IT, such as commerce, banking, entertainment.  The government is always pushing the IT industry, telling companies to deploy bigger, faster, better networks.  Accessbility due to high density of population helps fuel technology trends.  Patience is not a virtue in Korea where people always want everything faster and quicker.  Inferiority complex formed by being next to Japan forced Koreans to make and buy better gadgets.  Koreans are fascinated with things that flash and beep.  4 out of 5 dentists in Korea recommend people to surf the internet for 3 hours a day.

OK.  Maybe the last few points aren't exactly true...

I like technology myself, so it's convenient to be living in the center of it all.  I just wish it was more advanced so that robots one day will wash and fold my clothes.

This mysterious so-called Lucky Cream stands for the "L" in LG.

Strange Greetings

In the English language, there are a few greetings that are simply weird when translated to other languages.  Take "What's up?" or "Sleep tight!" as examples.  

Koreans have many greeting expressions that are quite funny when I hear (or use) them.

Most common "Hello" in Korean is "An-nyung-ha-se-yo?" ("Doing well?", literally)  in respected form and "An-nyung" ("well") in non-respected... 

To say "Bye", sometimes people say "Stay well" (sort of like "take care") or "Go well" (sort of like "Have a safe trip [to wherever you're going]") depending on whether the other person is staying or leaving the then-current location.

Not so strange so far, but there are some peculiar greetings such as...

"Have you eaten?" when greeting somebody shortly after a meal time... very common greeting at work.  It's not like they're offering to eat with you if you haven't.  If you answer "no", people usually just say "Why not?  You should eat..." I should say "No.  Good thing you asked, though, because I didn't have anybody to eat with... you want to go get lunch together?"  That would put them in an awkward spot if they have eaten and/or if you're not really close to them.

"You came?" when meeting somebody as expected.  Obviously, you're there.  Of course you came.  You would reply back "Yeah, I came." or "I returned" in case you return after a departure (at home or at work).  When my mom asked "you came?" whenever I returned home from school, I often jokingly replied back "no"... my mom thinks I'm a strange kid anyways.

"I will go in" or "Go in" when parting ways, in respected form.  In reference to you going inside your home, you would use this greeting if you're parting away from somebody or vice versa.  People use this even when the people are not going "inside" anywhere.  I found it especially strange when people used this when hanging up the phone... since both of you could be talking on the phone at home.

"Hang up" or "Mmm" as other greetings for hanging up the phone.  You could use the regular "bye"s for hanging up the phone, but people also often say "hang up" as a means of saying "bye".  Even more peculiar... Koreans use a "mmm" or "eung" as an informal "yes" (more like "yeah") and they use this to hang up a call.  However, often you find both sides of a phone conversation saying "mmm" multiple times before actually hanging up.  A common visualization of a Korean person hanging up the phone is someone saying "hang up mmm mmm mmm mmm...." as he/she slowly lowers his/her head along with the receiver then finally putting down the receiver and hanging up.

"Work hard" or "Suffer" as a parting greeting at work or to somebody working.  You actually tell somebody to "work hard" or you say "you're going through a lot of trouble" as a "hello" alternative.  I guess it sort of makes sense if you're saying that you appreciate their troubles they're going through, but I've often heard people tell others to literally "suffer".  That's a little extreme, in my opinion, but I've heard a counter-argument where somebody said people use the expression because, back in the old days,  it was considered to be of good fortune to be suffering as a result of working.

Besides verbal greetings, Koreans follow the respected vs non-respected forms of physical greetings.  When greeting an older person, people bow or shake hands but a handshake has to be accompanied by a bow and the other hand holding the shaking arm or somewhere on the torso.  Koreans do not use any form of kissing and hardly any hugging.  Very little physical contact when greeting, in general, compared to western cultures.

Ladies doing the "45-degree belly button bow", thanks for all your sufferance.

Cultist ritual

8:55am each morning at work, we do the morning exercise, aka the cultist ritual.  There's a series of beeps that comes out of the building PA system, followed by an all-too-cheery voice and music announcing it's the morning exercise time.  So each morning, the beeps come on.. then you can see over the low cubicle walls the heads of individuals slowly start popping up one-by-one... like zombies coming out of their graves.  The beeps are accompanied by countdowns displayed on TV sets placed along the walls... and on the screens, they have people demonstrating the stretch moves.  After about 8 stretching routines, we go into the high-fives......That's right, we do high-fives every morning.  "To brighten up the mood" they say....  "High-five! High-five!"  I'm slowly, day after day, increasing the amount of force I put into these high-fives... hopefully, one day I can make somebody bleed or break a wrist.  

Many Korean companies and most schools have morning exercise routines.  When I was in elementary school here in Korea, I remember we used to do the morning exercises out on the field before the school day started.  

  

There's even a NATIONAL exercise routine (called "Kook-min-che-jo") with accompanying music.  A lot of Koreans still know the sequence of movements for this 5-minute routine, which ranges from stretches and hops to squats and lunges.

Normally, I prefer to move as little a muscle during mornings so I prefer to sit on my ass while others are doing their stretches.  In general, however, I think this exercise thing is a fairly good national habit in order to start circulating the blood early in the day.

If Yuna Kim was on TV screens at work demonstrating stretch routines, I may actually make it to work on time each morning and stretch.

Konglish Lesson #7

Konglish of the day: fighting! (pronounced "hwa-ee-teeng" or "pa-ee-teeng"... there is no "F" sound in the Korean language)

"Fighting" is the word used to express excited encouragement as in "Go [Insert name of team/person/group], go!"  I say it often but I try not to think about how silly I used to think it sounds when I first found out "hwa-ee-teeng" is supposed to be "fighting".  I think it might have come from the expression "fighting spirit"... but I'm not sure how "fighting" became so mainstream in the language.

"Good luck on your exam!  Fighting!"

"One more goal, guys!  We can beat them!  Gather around once more!  One, two, three, fighting!"

"I know you're having a shitty day, but cheer up!  Aja aja fighting!"

Ce-le-bra-tions now come on!

Another post on a dating topic.... Couples have a lot excuses to celebrate their couple-ness.  

I hated anything and everything that had to do with Valentine's day, especially since I never had a girlfriend whenever it was February 14th.  If you're single and lonely in North America, you would also not like Valentine's day.  You would also hate Korea.

February 14th is Valentine's day where Koreans celebrate the couple's day by having the girls give the guys chocolates.  Why is this a one-way deal?  

Do not fret, ladies!  Because hard candy manufacturers got pissed that they got the short end of the straw against chocolate manufacturers and have decided to invent "White Day"...ok, maybe not true.  However, on March 14th, "White Day" (pronounced hwa-eeh-teuh-dae-eeh), guys give girls candies.

Not one, but TWO dedicated days to celebrate coupledom?  What about the lonely singles??  Soloists!  Unite on April 14th, "Black Day", to eat black noodles ("Chinese" black bean noodles)!

Apparently, there are other unofficial days for each 14th day of the month.. like Diary Day (give new diaries), Rose Day (give roses), Silver Day (give silver goods), Orange Day (drink orange juice).. but these are not very well-known.

While Canadians enter into moments of silence at 11:11am on November 11th, Korean couples yet again celebrate that day.  This time by giving each other Pepero.  If you don't know what Pepero is, it's a long chocolate-covered sesame-flavoured biscuit sticks.  Some might know it as Pocky.  These biscuits are given because the long biscuits are supposed to represent the 1's in November 11 (11.11).  

Christmas is not one of the major holidays in Korea.  Chuseok (mid-autumn lunar festival) and Lunar New Year are the major holidays in Korea.  So Christmas is not spent with family and friends, but it's another day for Korean couples.   In fact, it's THE biggest day for couples to bask in their coupleness.  Some singles actually try and desperately find a boyfriend/girlfriend for the main purpose of not flying Christmas solo.  And some make pacts with one another to group up for Christmas if they cannot find dates in order to avoid spending the holiday alone.

In addition to the "holidays", couples celebrate anniversaries.  But not the usual 1-month, 2-month... 6-month, 1-year anniversaries.  Koreans celebrate in 100-day anniversaries.  Parents celebrate 100-day anniversary of their babies' birth dates.  Couples celebrate each 100-day anniversaries and it's customary to give 100 won (approx 13 cents) per each 100-day to couples celebrating 100-day anniversaries.  It used to be REALLY annoying counting the days... but most Korean phones now have "d-day" features where you can just enter the date and it tells you your 100-day anniversary.

One thing's for sure... chocolate and candy companies, along with plush doll companies and flower shops, are making a killing on these days.  From flowers to chocolate baskets... I'm sure I've spent more than 500 bucks total on these days over the last 4 years.

I don't know how more lonely singles aren't committing suicides due to depression.  Maybe I should invent another day for couples... "Green Day", a day when couples are supposed to break up and give each other basket cases.

Pepero Day accounts for 30% of annual revenue for Pepero.

Good things come in... pairs?

For some reason unbeknownst to me, Korean couples have the need to show to the public that they are a couple.  By that, I mean they show it in numerous ways.  In North America, matching jewellery is not uncommon, but I'd be hard pressed finding couples looking like these walking around in public:

There are also couple rings, couple cellphone accessories, couple PJs and more.  A couple ring is typically exchanged on the 100th-day anniversary.  They call this "couple look" and couples actually walk around like this on the streets.  I get embarassed myself just looking at these couples.  It's funny seeing the guy or the girl astray from his/her counterpart, because these couple shirts don't make as much sense without the other half.  

I, personally, will never be caught dead wearing these.  

See?  These people are so ashamed that they blurred themselves out of this photo.

Konglish Lesson #6

Konglish of the day:  gold miss (pronounced "goll-deuh-mee-seuh")

It's used quite often in K-Land and I believe it came from an earlier derivation: "old miss".  Gold miss refers to single women usually in their 30s and 40s (i.e. "old miss") with good education, successful careers and stable financial status, and who take pride in themselves for achieving independent success.  There's a popular Korean variety show called "Gold Miss is on her way" which pits 6 "gold miss" celebrities against each other where they compete for a chance to go on blind dates.  This is almost a marketing term in order to try and take away the negative image away from old single ladies in Korea.

"My manager is such a gold miss, she's turning 40 this year, she's single and she's loving it."

"Set me up on a so-gae-ting!  I don't want to end up a gold miss..."

"Damn, she's hot!  But I wouldn't know how to approach a gold miss."

SKY schools? Do you take parachuting lessons there?

In Korea, WHERE you went for university matters.... a LOT.  Having a name brand degree can lead to a better job, a better wife and a better life in general.  Sure, it's generally the case in other countries, but in Korea the perks you get with a top school degree SEVERELY dwarfs those of lesser schools.  If you're talking in terms of cars, #1 school graduate would be rewarded with a Ferrari Enzo while a #15 school graduate would get a Dodge Neon... and #32 school graduate would be lucky to end up with a Fisher Price Power Wheels. 

That is why kids are forced to work their asses off to try and make it into one of the top schools.  They have to study like mad to get top scores in the national unversity entrance exam and they need to get top rankings within their high schools.  Graduating from some high schools give advantages to getting into top universities, so junior high school students have to work their asses off to get into those high schools.  Same shit goes for elementary schools which means that kids (read parents) set sights on top universities and start preparing even in elementary schools.  For some kids who get into universities outside of Seoul, it is very common for them to take one more year (or a few more) to just study and try to get into a higher-ranked school.

However, once they get into these schools, it's easy living from then on because it's relatively easy to graduate from Korean universities and obtain a degree.  Those who have graduated from one of the top three schools in Korea have their own brand.  SKY.  It stands for each of the top three schools in Korea: Seoul National University, Korea University and Yonsei University.  (Maybe SHY in US?  Stanford, Harvard, Yale?)  People seem to ooh and ahh at hearing "SKY".  I scoff.  Not because I went to a better school or anything, but because I feel that their "title" is representative of how well they studied up to high school and not so much of how well or what they studied in undergrad and thereafter.

If you were to rank the different education backgrounds..

- Top overseas universities (only those recognized by Koreans)

- Seoul National University

- Korea University

- Yonsei University

- KAIST (Korea Advanced Institute of Science and Technology) for techies

- Ehwa Women's University for ladies

- universities in Seoul

- other universities in Korea

- 2-year specialy colleges

Well, not 100% precise, but you get the picture...

Another interesting culture shock:  Korean girls are at a disadvantage if they graduated from a top school in Korea.  A "SKY" brand would limit the size of the pool of guys from which they can find a husband, because many of them are intimidated by women with better education than theirs.  And of course, education is a MAJOR criterion of the right husband for women.  

This phenomenon is perhaps due, in part, to the size of the country where people are more or less free to relocate anywhere within Korea.  Top companies in Korea would hire graduates directly from the top schools whereas North American companies may prefer hiring local grads....

Also, you cannot ignore the power of alumni networks in Korea, especially in organizations... but this may be a topic for another post.

I graduated from a quaint university in Ontario, Canada.  Almost no one in Korea has heard of it, so it does me no good.  

Dr. Legg Ohb Lock with PhD in Constructive Physics from a SKY school

Electronic Thrones

I've never seen a bidet in Canada.  I know there are certain cultures where they use a special water holder with a long curved spout in order to wash their behinds.  And I've seen bidets in European bathrooms.  I remember my family had one of those porcelain bidets that shoots water straight up when I lived here before going to Canada, so I'm certain Koreans have been using bidets for a long time.

Now, bidets are new-fangled gadgets that are placed on top of the regular toilets.  You can find them in some homes, workplaces, posh stores and malls.  We have them at work and they’re awesome!

As soon as you sit down, the throne purrs to life.  The low whirring sound is a whisper to your ears…”I’m ready when you are, baby…”  It first starts emitting fruity scents that seem to strum your olfactory senses.  So for the first few seconds, I’m a-waftin’ like there’s no tomorrow… that is, until I let out the first big one.  No amount of aromatic chemcals can mask the pungent odour.  Once you’ve done your deed, you start working the controls on the bidet.  On the side, there’s a control panel with a myriad of buttons and lights that let you control the throne.

I hit the “Cleanse” button.  I hear a click and a whirring sound that indicates that “the wand” is being extended.  “The wand” is an arm that extends and places a nozzle in position right underneath the sphincter.  The 2 seconds of whirring and the 2 seconds of pause feel like the clanking of chains and the brief moment at the apex of a rollercoaster ride.  You know what to expect, but there’s that intense feeling of anxiety.  As “the wand” start shooting that jet of water into the sensitive area, your muscles tighten automatically.  Once you get over the initial shock, it kinda feels nice.  At the push of a few buttons, you can adjust the position of the jet stream…although, I just simply bouge my ass here and there to get a thorough wash.  I can push stop when I think I'm clean, but I usually let it run its one-minute course… it’s long enough to get a good wash and yet leave you wanting more.  I hit the “Dry” button, which blows your anus with warm soothing air.  The butt dryer is too weak however and I sit on the throne for at least 2 minutes waiting for my ass to dry.

The "CHB-8000" @ work.  I think CHB stands for Cleans Hairy Buttocks..

Konglish Lesson #5

Konglish of the day: overeat (pronounced "o-ba-eeh-teuh")

There is a Korean word for vomiting, but a more commonly used word is "overeat" used as a noun.  People butchered the pronunciation for "overeat" so much that I didn't know it was supposed to be an English word the first few times I heard it.  I had to ask somebody.

"I drank so much last night I did an overeat on my way home."

"I had to give the cab driver extra money because my friend did an overeat in the cab."

"I haven't done an overeat in 13 years!"

Delivery

Culture shock: You can get anything delivered anywhere in Korea in a blink of an eye.

I love it!  It's so convenient!  I live by myself in Seoul, so I often get home from work to face the dilemma of how I should feed myself.  I'm far too lazy to cook anything nor keep any perishables in my fridge, so I end up ordering food most nights if I haven't eaten outside.

I choose food from about 30~40 different menus, ranging from sushi to sandwichs to pork bone stews.  It's like my personal room service... I just pick up my phone, call the number on the menu and I get it delivered within half an hour.  After I finish eating, I just pack up the dishes, put them outside my place and they come pick them up.  There a lot of 24-hour places that deliver as well...

Lately, I've been addicted to McDelivery... Sure, my zero regard for health will put me in a (big ass) coffin sooner than later, but I just LOVE eating Big Macs when I'm jonesing for them at 3AM in the morning.

There are also delivery services where somebody on a scooter delivers anything from point A to point B; they call this "quick service" (another Konglish word).  Also, there are personal errand services where you can request some dude to do shit for you like pick up dry cleaning, pay parking ticket fines, get you takeout from non-delivery restaurants or do grocery shopping.  In addition, most of your online purchases arrive on your doorsteps within 1 or 2 days.  I've been desensitized to delivery durations because of the usual "4 to 6 weeks" advertised when I was in Canada.

Even though I feel like an old fart ordering all these meals on wheels from the comforts of my couch, I don't know how I can ever live without all these deliveries.  

I gotta deliver these kids quickly in 40 minutes or they're free...

Cafés

There aren't that many different types of cafés back in Toronto.  Cafés are usually places where you can go sit down and get caffeinated drinks, to put simply.  An internet café might be a variety that is vastly different.

Just this weekend, I saw a Wii Café.  "Really?!", said I.  I went up to the establishment to check it out.  I didn't really go in, but I saw drawings of Mario and Sonic at the door and I was able to see, through the blinds covering a large window, a couple playing the Nintendo Wii sitting on a couch.  This was just one of many different types of themed cafés I've seen here.

I list here a list of different types of "cafés"(pronounced "kah-peh") you can find in Korea.  Most of them involve doing different activities as you enjoy a variety of drinks.

Boardgame Café:  You pay by the hour to play boardgames while having drinks.  Servers need to be versed in all board games in order to explain the rules.

Costume Café:  You try on different types of costumes or make-up and you pay per costume you try on.

Daum/Naver Café:  Daum and Naver are internet portal sites like Yahoo and they offer community sites which people call "Cafés".  Think Yahoo Groups or Google Groups.

Fortune Telling Café:  Very common and popular among young ladies.  These places have in-house fortune tellers going from table-to-table telling peoples' fortunes.

Free Café:  You pay for drinks and they offer side perks for "free" (or "service").  Usually, the things they offer for free are fortune telling, cake, polaroid photo, nail care... 

Princess Café:  The decor basically has a shitload of curtains, flowers, laces and frills... and there are vanities where you can sit down to freshen up.  Ashamed to say that I've been to one on a blind date.

Doll Café:  You play with dolls.  Barbie-type dolls everywhere.  There are also cafés with plush dolls like teddy bears... teddy bears everywhere.  Again... ashamed to admit that I've been to one of these as well.

I'm sure there are more interesting places, but I haven't discovered them yet.  And I'm not sure if there are cafés like the "coffee shops" in Amsterdam.  I've heard there are a lot more "interesting" cafés in Japan.  Maybe I'll go check them out when I visit the country, but I am still quite fascinated with those that exist here.

This gave me an idea for a new café theme:  Play with a baby while enjoying a cup of coffee... rent out babies by the hour.

Konglish Lesson #4

Definitely one of the funniest Konglish of all time...

Konglish of the day:  ING

No, not the insurance company... the suffix of a present participle verb.  I.e. "ing" of verbs like "barfing", "regurgitating", "puking".

I've heard Koreans actually say "I-N-G" when they say something is in progress.  Sometimes they label documents with [...ing]document.doc to indicate that they're in draft form.  Chalk this one up as another creative way to deform the English language.

"The status of the project is I-N-G."

"Yeah, my relationship with my girlfriend is still I-N-G."

"My porn download was I-N-G for like 3 hours!"

What did you say, boy?

Koreans have two main different ways of speaking:  You use a respected form when you are talking to somebody who are strangers to you or who are older than you; and you use a non-respected form when you are talking to somebody you know well.

Even in the respected form, there are different levels of respect or formality... those who watch a lot Korean drama can tell that some sentences end often with "... -ni-da".. and some end with "... -yo"... these are the different levels of formality.  You also have to some different vocabularity for this form.  There are three different words for "birthday"... talk about redundancies...

Likewise, in the non-respected form, there are variations... For example, you can use this form of the language to somebody older than you, but you can never call them "you"... you call them by their relations to you, like "big brother" "mom" "mister" and you cannot ever swear at somebody older than you.  You can only talk freely to people who are familiar to you and same age or younger.

It's all BS, really.. because you talk differently to people based on age.  It limits the control you have over the language.  I sometimes garnish my appreciation towards a friend with some vulgarity..."You son of a bitch, I'm glad to have a fucker like you as a friend."  I can't say that to somebody who's even one year older than me.  "Big brother, I'm glad to have a big brother like you."  They don't hold the same meaning....  Two people can talk in casual form to each other only when they're "friends" (i.e. same age) and not in "big brother - little brother" or "big sister - little sister" relationships.

Age is an unnecessarily complex factor in determining how you talk to somebody.  You could be the same age (i.e. born on the same year) but if you're talking to somebody who was born in January or February (i.e. born on the previous lunar new year), he/she might expect to give him/her proper respects.  Also, you have situations where somebody who was born in January can be "friends" with one person 9 months older and another 9 months younger, but the way they talk to each other is different.  It makes absolutely no sense that some dude born in April calls another dude born in previous December (4 months apart) "big brother".. while he's "friends" with somebody born in the following December (8 months apart).

Also, you just met somebody... that person is around the same age as you and you are getting to know this person quite well.  When do you switch from respected form to the casual form?  I never know.  I make the switch too fast and they go "how old did you say you were?"... (enter awkwardness)...  I miss the chance to switch and I end up in a perpetual state of using a mix of the two different forms of the language.

Ok... if you're talking to who's like 20 years older than you, fine, you could show some respect in the language you speak, but come on... why should you and I talk differently to one another because you lived one more year??  Why can't everybody be friends?

This Korean culture will not change overnight but it's something I will never get fully accustomed to.

I'm 5 minutes older than you, so watch what you say.

The Mask

It is almost mandatory that a blog about Koreans has a post on cosmetic surgeries.

Culture shock: That hot Korean girl did not have that face a few years ago.

On TV, MOST of the attractive celebrities have had surgeries... it's so common that some attractive women are praised for having "natural beauty" in the literal sense.  Talent management companies apparently make the investment and almost force their talents (actors/singers/etc) to get surgeries... otherwise, it's very hard to compete on a level ground.  You wouldn't believe how many celebrities look alike.. it's almost as if they pick the face out of a menu.  "Hmm... I like her nose... this one's eyes... and this lady's chin... Can you please gift-wrap them in bandages?  Thanks."

There's one particular neighbourhood in Seoul where many people go to get cosmetic surgeries... Here, there are 3 to 4 plastic surgery clinics in tightly-packed 5-story buildings.  Each claim to have beautified some sort of a celebrity... and those that claim the most popular celebrities occupy entire buildings of their own.  On several occasions, I've seen girls with bandaged-up faces walking around in the neighbourhood.

People get boob jobs, chisel their chins into "V"s, raise their nose bridges, etc... The "double-eyelid" surgery is the most common type that people get.  Apparently lots of guys get that too.  Due to the competitiveness in the job market, people have resorted to enhancing their appearances using surgeries for job interviews... while people back in NA might get a new haircut.

I've also seen people who can tell whether somebody is "unnatural"... it's an amazing talent!  I was at a gathering and sitting next to this guy who just looked at a girl and said "you did your eyes and nose, didn't you?" then looked at somebody else and go "you also did your eyes.. I can tell"...  I, on the other hand, couldn't tell shit.... but apparently some surgeries come out very natural while others look like the doctor messed up and tried to put the face back together using duct tape.

The media is to blame, in my opinion...  Everybody's attractive in the media and it has normalized the idea that surgeries are OK.  There are many safe advanced techniques and everybody does it, says the media.  Korean beautification techniques are so advanced that people from other Asian countries come for "plastic surgery tours".  Korean moms get surgeries for their daughters as high school graduation presents.  Handful of Korean celebrities tell people they HAD to get cosmetic surgeries... because they "got into car accidents" where they apparently only injured their ugly noses.  Working women take long vacations for surgeries so that they get enough time to recover and go back to work "unnoticed".  Who cares if your children won't be attractive when they're born?  You can fix them up when they grow up!

However, I'm not one to complain... I prefer to look at attractive people... and I also prefer to have the option of fixing my appearance when I fall way below the average.

You can also be beautiful like me!

Konglish Lesson #3

Konglish of the day: service (pronounced "suh-bee-seuh")

In order to an establishment to provide you with some extra service, they give you "service"... something complimentary on the house.  The most common example is an extra menu item at a restaurant...

"These dumplings are service."

"Lady, where's my service?!"

"They have good service here... beef sashimi!"

Note:  Not to be confused with "full service" (pronounced "pool suh-bee-seuh"), which is "the works" at a shady massage parlor.

Baseball

The World Baseball Classic just ended yesterday with Korea losing to Japan in the finals.  It was quite interesting while it lasted.

Korea only has 8 teams in their KBO (Korea Baseball Organization) league and I found it funny how they make a big deal out of 8 teams battling it out for the championship at the end of the season.  After seeing World Cup 2002, I thought soccer was the #1 sport in Korea but I was surprised to find out that baseball is #1 here.

Culture shock: Koreans got good at baseball.

I thought 'Is this a joke?' when I saw Korea take the gold during last year's Olympics.  But Korea took 3rd place in the first WBC and they came in #2 in the second WBC.  Who woulda thunk it?  Seems so random that this small country can do so well in international competitions... Korean baseball players make 14 times less salaries than Japanese players, but these two national teams were neck-and-neck.

I don't know when they got so good at it, but I'm fairly certain baseball may now gain even more popularity here.  Finally... something Koreans are good at besides archery, skating and badminton...

Did she not expect to strike out holding a bat like a girl?

Konglish Lesson #2

Konglish of the day: pop song (pronounced "pahp song")

I had thought Koreans really liked pop songs over other genre when they said they liked "pop songs". It turns out that Koreans refer to any English song as a "pop song"…

"Even though I don't understand the lyrics, I like pop songs"

"Rob, you probably only sing pop songs at karaoke"

"Where do you go download pop songs?"

Blind Dates

Koreans have "ting" terminologies (derived from the word "meeting") which they use for the different ways they meet people of the opposite sex.  I will go into more detail in a later post, but I will explain one of the "ting"s: "so-gae-ting" where "so-gae" is Korean word for "introduction".  It's basically where you meet somebody through an introduction, but very often the two of you meet by yourselves without the middle person.  In other words, a blind date.

Unless I'm wrong, blind dates are somewhat of a taboo back in NA.  Back in Canada, I only went on one blind date... and it was with a Korean girl... (didn't work out).  I've never heard of a couple getting hooked up through a blind date nor have I seen any friends hook each other up on blind dates.  I think people preferred to take the risk of running into a 50-year old hairy virgins on online dating sites over getting set up on blind dates.

I've been in Korea for 3.5 years and I went out on more than 20 so-gae-tings... 10 of which were during the second half of last year.  That is not considered unusual for somebody my age in Korea.  I don't really go around begging people to set me up, but I don't refuse when I get offers.  I've built a repertoire of first blind date topics that I can discuss as ice-breakers.  Like most blind date veterans, I have a routine.  Start talking about the circumstances on which the blind date was set up... and talk about the people who set you up and your relationship to those people... that's between 15 to 30 minutes.  Then talk about basic profile facts... name (you'd be surprised how often this is not a given prior to meeting face-to-face), age (important in Korea), family, work, school majors...  By this time, the dinner/lunch (which I always pay for) would be over and we'd move over to a coffee shop or a bar depending on the location and time of day.  Then I talk about how I'm Canadian and I have moved here 3 years ago.. this always has a follow-up question as to why I came here.  After that, topics become more fluid and I'd ask first-date questions: "What are your hobbies?" "What's your favourite movie?" "Have you traveled anywhere?" "Where is the favourite place you visited?" After an hour or so of that BS, I make a decision call at that point...  I try and make effort to make more interesting conversations if I'm interested in the girl.. or I make an excuse to get out of there if I find the girl too annoying / ugly / fat / old / boring / dumb / conservative / crazy / clingy / whiny / sensitive / snobby / bitchy / skanky.  Also, if I ain't interested, I let her get up first and I walk behind her so that she reaches the counter first in order to make her feel inclined to pay for the coffee/drink.  Costs associated with these random blind dates add up quite a bit.

It's not awkward...

Konglish Lesson #1

I'm gonna start a series of posts on Konglish, which is English mutated and used regularly by Koreans.  Please don't laugh when you hear me saying any of these.

Konglish of the day:  Skinship

Take "-ship" from, say, friendship... or companionship, and append it to "skin", and you get the common Konglish word: skinship.  It means "physical display of affection" or "bodily touch".  I must admit, it is kinda creative how they incorporated "skin" into this new word.  Almost makes sense...almost.

Koreans were using this "word" so naturally that I thought it was an actual English word I never heard of... until somebody told me what it meant.

"I feel uncomfortable being around him because he likes skinship too much."

"I attempted my first skinship with my gf yesterday and she replied back with a smack upside the head."

"Is ass-grabbing too much skinship at the workplace?"

Kicking off the blog with...

I had dog last week.

Almost a stereotype, Koreans back in Canada are often accused of eating dogs.  I don't know why we get the stereotype... Chinese people eat dogs too.  Even if a smaller percentage of Chinese people eat dogs, Chinese people probably devour a lot more dogs in total than Koreans.

I've never eaten any kind of a canine breed in the past.  I don't think I get disturbed by the thought of eating dog meat, but then I've never owned a dog.  I like dogs, but I always wanted to try the meat... to see what it tasted like.

I went to a place near work with my co-workers.  It was a big place, but it was completely empty at peak dinner time.  Apparently, dogs were not in season... (huh?)  We ordered two different types of main dog meat dishes.. one braised served on top of greens and another was a stew.  The lady brought in a big chunk of purplish meat... It was the neck which people claimed to be the best part.  Stomach meat is apparently the next best.  The cheapest sections of a dog are its legs... they use that shit for stews.  

At first, the meat triggered a little bit of a gag reflex when I put it in my mouth, but that tends to happen when I put strange oily meat into my mouth... After I got used to the smell, it was actually not too bad...both the taste and the texture...but doesn't taste as good as traditional meats.  And it doesn't taste like chicken.  The meal was kinda expensive, so I'd rather spend that money on good old-fashioned beef.

Don't look at me like that... I didn't know it was your daddy...

Birth of Korean 1.5

I have been living and working in Korea for the past three and a half years now, and during this period, I have witnessed several mild cases of culture shock and some severe ones.  In general though, I've seen many interesting differences between the Korean culture and the Canadian culture in which I grew up.  So I decided to blog about what I see and experience here.

The title of the blog is "Korean One Point Five" because, back in Canada, visible minorities can be labelled as first-generation immigrant (aka FOB) or second-gen (aka Banana).  I consider myself somewhere in-between, one-point-five.  Actually, I used to think that I'm more whitewashed than the regular one-pont-five-gen'ers, so I used refer to myself as one-pont-seven-five.... but now I'm more like 1.5 after having been in Korea for more than 3 years.

This blog is meant for my friends, family and anybody else who cares to read about the little cultural differences that makes Korea so peculiar.  It is meant to be purely pointless, meaningless and seriousness-less, so please don't take anything written here at face value.